I am sure you all are like me wondering how in the heck Easter is here already. It snuck up on us quick this year! I can't say I totally forgot about it I mean there have been little reminders like Easter cards and candy since March. I look at the kids and wonder where the years have gone. I remember when they were younger that right about now I would be stressing out running around trying to get their Easter baskets together. Now I could hand them money in place of the basket and they will be just as happy.
When my daughter was younger we bought her this little stuffed rabbit toy and he was all different colors. She loved him so much when we gave it to her and she affectionately named him, "Rainbow Bunny". That was about when she was four and now here she is on the verge of becoming 16 years old. There are still things she brings to my apartment from her dad's house and yesterday she brought Rainbow Bunny to my place.
He is still the same old bunny, except now he seems a little droopier and his colors have faded a bit from all the washing machine cycles he has been through. You never think about things like if the Rainbow Bunny would be around all these years and at the same time wondering where you would be in your life. When I first bought that bunny I never would have guessed that my life would take all the turns that it has. When I bought Rainbow Bunny I was just 28 years old, that was 12 years ago! So many things have happened since then. Even from just a year ago things have changed so much. Last year we were getting ready for our big church play that is put on each year. My daughter was involved and helping backstage with makeup while I volunteered to work in the nursery. This year while we are still looking forward to going to this wonderful play, we didn't get involved in the behind the scenes of it because of everything that is going on in our lives.
I drop off the kids at their dad's house and think about how much I wanted that house when we first got it. I think about all the work I put into that house myself by refinishing the hardwood floor in the living room, taking down the popcorn ceiling, painting all the rooms. My love for the house started to diminish though with endless fighting and the feeling of just wanting to leave. It feels so cold now. While there were a few good times there, most of my memories of us as a family in that house are bad. This time last year I never would have thought I would have ever had the courage to ever leave that marriage or a house I was jointly responsible for, yes things have changed.
It has been a rough road but it has been the road I know I was supposed to take to get me where I am today. While I have been told I am not a morning person (and I think the kids take after me too) I wake up feeling blessed and happy and at peace. It is uncertain what may happen with that house. I hope he is able to keep it if he wants to, but who knows. It was not my destiny to be happy there but maybe it will be someone else's happy place one day.
These days I am focused on living a life less complicated. I have never felt more love in my life than I do right now. Just hearing someone tell you they love you and knowing with all your heart they mean it is so wonderful. Having my kids around me most of the time and seeing them getting along more and fight less is so incredible. I know they are in a place where they can be happy again and not have to worry about their parents not getting along. It has been a long journey and I can't believe how happy I feel. There are times I want to scream out loud to never give up hope.
12 years later I have finally found the place where I am supposed to be, the people I am supposed to be with and the life I was meant to have and Rainbow Bunny has stuck with me through it all!
Happy Easter on Sunday to all of you and I hope you all are exactly where you want to be in your lives<3!
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