Can you all believe it is already going to be May? I realized this as in my office we are hanging papel picados. I know I am Mexican and should know what that means, but I don't. Basically it's tissue paper that we all cut out into squares and then cut out our own shapes and patterns on. We then hang them up in our office and make it colorful and bright.
Every year it is a reminder to me that the year is almost halfway over. This year feels so different though. This year at the end of May I am praying and hoping that all the years of school for my oldest baby will be over and that he will graduate. I must admit this one is a nail biter because he has to come up ahead no matter what and really buckle down to make this happen. He has been so happy lately and busy with all the Senior activities and it's good to see him like this, I am crossing my fingers!
Then there's the girl. I cannot believe that she will be in 11th grade next year. Wow how fast time flies, it's amazing. I am happy to report that since we moved into the apartment in February she has made a little group of friends there which is good for her. No longer is she calling me up at work asking what we are going to do when I get home. Nowadays she isn't even home when I get home as she is out with her new circle of friends...one even being a cute boy who she thinks of as her boyfriend. he seems sweet and shy and he makes her smile.
Then there's me, what a difference a year makes. This time last year I was living in my little suite of Casa de Crazy, married but so separated and so unhappy. I think back to that time just a year ago and it brings back bad memories of fighting and unhappiness. It took so many years for me to really realize how unhappy I was and I never thought I would ever have the courage or strength to leave, but in the end here I am and I did.
These days my life is much more simpler and peaceful. I actually enjoy going home and I even look forward to it. The kids and I get along most of the time with a few occasional moments but the fighting has sort of just diminished. Sometimes there are people in life who are just no good together and I finally realized that.
I look forward to my future and all it holds to reveal itself to me. I am happy now, happier than I have been in so many years. I have someone in my life who helps me get through my bad days and shares with me the good days. I have never smiled so much.
I am so thankful for my kids, My Miji, Family, health and everything in between and around that I have in my life. What a difference a year makes.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Happy (Yes I Said Happy) Friday the 13th!
Today is Friday the 13th. Clouds are looming outside and it's gray and cold. Most people think of Friday the 13th as something superstitous and freak out when they realize the date. I think if they would have never made a movie about friday the 13th and all the stupid sequels that went along with it people would never have thought twice about the date. The 13th happens on many days and Friday is supposed to be a great day, the start to days off, it's funny. people are superstitious and this just happens to be a superstitous day, I get it.
I grew up hearing lots of crazy superstitions that I am sure most people have heard of too, and I have to admit that sometimes I am drawn into those superstitions. Don't spill salt and if you do pick some up and throw it behind your back. If a black cat crosses your path it means bad luck. Those are just a few of the normal ones. Growing up with a Mexican dad I heard a lot of crazy ones!
With the weather the way it is and a chance of rain on the way the date makes people freak out even more. I used to hate the dark clouds coming in and any hint of rain outside. My advice to anyone who wants to be a homeowner is make sure the roof is fairly new and in good shape and have a good inspector. I learned the hard way and hired my own inspector who ended up not thoroughly checking the roof. I learned fairly quick what section of WalMart to locate tarps to use on a leaky roof. I used to hate the rain in that house.
I am not there anymore though. I went from huge house to cozy apartment. I love the rain now and it makes me want to just sit in front of my fireplace with the one I love and just be thankful I am where I am supposed to be in my life. Sometimes when it was as bright and sunny as could be in my old house I still felt a sense of clouds looming overhead and it had nothing to do with the weather. Unhappiness can make every day seem like a storm when you are with someone who takes away your sunshine. It's funny how one day you think there is no way out of a situation and when you finally find your way out you wonder what took you so long.
These days I love the rain and I even request to listen to the rain app on his phone when it's quiet. The rain doesn't bother me anymore because I have finally reached the point in my life where the sun is shining again, and it has nothing to do with the weather.
Oh and Friday the 13th makes me smile because it was the day that seems so long ago now (even though it hasn't been long at all) that I met the one who makes me smile no matter what clouds may be looming outside. I feel so free, I feel so lucky, I am so happy.
I grew up hearing lots of crazy superstitions that I am sure most people have heard of too, and I have to admit that sometimes I am drawn into those superstitions. Don't spill salt and if you do pick some up and throw it behind your back. If a black cat crosses your path it means bad luck. Those are just a few of the normal ones. Growing up with a Mexican dad I heard a lot of crazy ones!
With the weather the way it is and a chance of rain on the way the date makes people freak out even more. I used to hate the dark clouds coming in and any hint of rain outside. My advice to anyone who wants to be a homeowner is make sure the roof is fairly new and in good shape and have a good inspector. I learned the hard way and hired my own inspector who ended up not thoroughly checking the roof. I learned fairly quick what section of WalMart to locate tarps to use on a leaky roof. I used to hate the rain in that house.
I am not there anymore though. I went from huge house to cozy apartment. I love the rain now and it makes me want to just sit in front of my fireplace with the one I love and just be thankful I am where I am supposed to be in my life. Sometimes when it was as bright and sunny as could be in my old house I still felt a sense of clouds looming overhead and it had nothing to do with the weather. Unhappiness can make every day seem like a storm when you are with someone who takes away your sunshine. It's funny how one day you think there is no way out of a situation and when you finally find your way out you wonder what took you so long.
These days I love the rain and I even request to listen to the rain app on his phone when it's quiet. The rain doesn't bother me anymore because I have finally reached the point in my life where the sun is shining again, and it has nothing to do with the weather.
Oh and Friday the 13th makes me smile because it was the day that seems so long ago now (even though it hasn't been long at all) that I met the one who makes me smile no matter what clouds may be looming outside. I feel so free, I feel so lucky, I am so happy.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Life With Rainbow Bunny
I am sure you all are like me wondering how in the heck Easter is here already. It snuck up on us quick this year! I can't say I totally forgot about it I mean there have been little reminders like Easter cards and candy since March. I look at the kids and wonder where the years have gone. I remember when they were younger that right about now I would be stressing out running around trying to get their Easter baskets together. Now I could hand them money in place of the basket and they will be just as happy.
When my daughter was younger we bought her this little stuffed rabbit toy and he was all different colors. She loved him so much when we gave it to her and she affectionately named him, "Rainbow Bunny". That was about when she was four and now here she is on the verge of becoming 16 years old. There are still things she brings to my apartment from her dad's house and yesterday she brought Rainbow Bunny to my place.
He is still the same old bunny, except now he seems a little droopier and his colors have faded a bit from all the washing machine cycles he has been through. You never think about things like if the Rainbow Bunny would be around all these years and at the same time wondering where you would be in your life. When I first bought that bunny I never would have guessed that my life would take all the turns that it has. When I bought Rainbow Bunny I was just 28 years old, that was 12 years ago! So many things have happened since then. Even from just a year ago things have changed so much. Last year we were getting ready for our big church play that is put on each year. My daughter was involved and helping backstage with makeup while I volunteered to work in the nursery. This year while we are still looking forward to going to this wonderful play, we didn't get involved in the behind the scenes of it because of everything that is going on in our lives.
I drop off the kids at their dad's house and think about how much I wanted that house when we first got it. I think about all the work I put into that house myself by refinishing the hardwood floor in the living room, taking down the popcorn ceiling, painting all the rooms. My love for the house started to diminish though with endless fighting and the feeling of just wanting to leave. It feels so cold now. While there were a few good times there, most of my memories of us as a family in that house are bad. This time last year I never would have thought I would have ever had the courage to ever leave that marriage or a house I was jointly responsible for, yes things have changed.
It has been a rough road but it has been the road I know I was supposed to take to get me where I am today. While I have been told I am not a morning person (and I think the kids take after me too) I wake up feeling blessed and happy and at peace. It is uncertain what may happen with that house. I hope he is able to keep it if he wants to, but who knows. It was not my destiny to be happy there but maybe it will be someone else's happy place one day.
These days I am focused on living a life less complicated. I have never felt more love in my life than I do right now. Just hearing someone tell you they love you and knowing with all your heart they mean it is so wonderful. Having my kids around me most of the time and seeing them getting along more and fight less is so incredible. I know they are in a place where they can be happy again and not have to worry about their parents not getting along. It has been a long journey and I can't believe how happy I feel. There are times I want to scream out loud to never give up hope.
12 years later I have finally found the place where I am supposed to be, the people I am supposed to be with and the life I was meant to have and Rainbow Bunny has stuck with me through it all!
Happy Easter on Sunday to all of you and I hope you all are exactly where you want to be in your lives<3!
When my daughter was younger we bought her this little stuffed rabbit toy and he was all different colors. She loved him so much when we gave it to her and she affectionately named him, "Rainbow Bunny". That was about when she was four and now here she is on the verge of becoming 16 years old. There are still things she brings to my apartment from her dad's house and yesterday she brought Rainbow Bunny to my place.
He is still the same old bunny, except now he seems a little droopier and his colors have faded a bit from all the washing machine cycles he has been through. You never think about things like if the Rainbow Bunny would be around all these years and at the same time wondering where you would be in your life. When I first bought that bunny I never would have guessed that my life would take all the turns that it has. When I bought Rainbow Bunny I was just 28 years old, that was 12 years ago! So many things have happened since then. Even from just a year ago things have changed so much. Last year we were getting ready for our big church play that is put on each year. My daughter was involved and helping backstage with makeup while I volunteered to work in the nursery. This year while we are still looking forward to going to this wonderful play, we didn't get involved in the behind the scenes of it because of everything that is going on in our lives.
I drop off the kids at their dad's house and think about how much I wanted that house when we first got it. I think about all the work I put into that house myself by refinishing the hardwood floor in the living room, taking down the popcorn ceiling, painting all the rooms. My love for the house started to diminish though with endless fighting and the feeling of just wanting to leave. It feels so cold now. While there were a few good times there, most of my memories of us as a family in that house are bad. This time last year I never would have thought I would have ever had the courage to ever leave that marriage or a house I was jointly responsible for, yes things have changed.
It has been a rough road but it has been the road I know I was supposed to take to get me where I am today. While I have been told I am not a morning person (and I think the kids take after me too) I wake up feeling blessed and happy and at peace. It is uncertain what may happen with that house. I hope he is able to keep it if he wants to, but who knows. It was not my destiny to be happy there but maybe it will be someone else's happy place one day.
These days I am focused on living a life less complicated. I have never felt more love in my life than I do right now. Just hearing someone tell you they love you and knowing with all your heart they mean it is so wonderful. Having my kids around me most of the time and seeing them getting along more and fight less is so incredible. I know they are in a place where they can be happy again and not have to worry about their parents not getting along. It has been a long journey and I can't believe how happy I feel. There are times I want to scream out loud to never give up hope.
12 years later I have finally found the place where I am supposed to be, the people I am supposed to be with and the life I was meant to have and Rainbow Bunny has stuck with me through it all!
Happy Easter on Sunday to all of you and I hope you all are exactly where you want to be in your lives<3!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)