Ok, so this week has brought me a new subject in many different forms of the same thing that I need to express myself about. Can anyone please tell me when the whole world went to law school and suddenly became a judge? I don't know about things that are going on in your life but lately in mine it's like people decided that their main occupation is to be my personal judge, how did that happen?
In life everyone is entitled to their opinions and that's okay but why do people have to be so mean and judgemental without even realizing that perhaps they should look at their own lives before they judge others.
For years I have been in a miserable place and no one is to blame but myself for staying for so long. But then something magical happened and I woke up. I realized that I no longer wanted to feel so lifeless and dead on the inside. I wanted to be happy and positive and that is what my new year's resolution was. So far this year it has been mind blowing. I have had the most fun and been the happiest I have been in about 15 years. I suddenly remembered how to smile again and I don't hate going home anymore each day after work because I am going to my own little slice of heaven known as my apartment. My kids are happy again and they finally have a place where they can be kids without all the drama that they have known for so long. I also have someone in my life that makes me laugh and remember that I am a wonderful person.
I am on my road to self discovery and it feels amazing and isn't that what we all want to feel like? Then why do people think they can just come into your happy zone and mess it up? Everyone always has something to say but they never realize how hurtful it may sound. It's these people who for years told you you were not happy and you needed to leave and then all of a sudden you do and they don't agree with your choices.
I know I am a good person and I also know that I am not perfect. Many of you have witnessed some of my non perfect days on Facebook or just in person and while most of you are my cheerleaders, I also know there are a select few just this week who have showed me that judges come in all forms...even those who according to Romans 2:1 should not judge. I am proud to say that I believe in God and I know my faith. I have been a member of a wonderful church in Colton that I still believe in, even though there have been people that have been so judgemental there that it has made me stand back and really question what is right for me. It's awful when you go somewhere to feel good and you leave feeling worse because of comments of judgemental people. I would just like to tell people that sometimes in life no matter what you think, there are some marriages that just need to end. Yes, God can restore a lot of things but sometimes people don't want to be restored because of everything leading up to that point. No I am not saying not to forgive, but I am simply saying that sometimes things just have to end and for good reason. Does that make anybody bad, no. I guess it is really hard to understand if you have never been in my situation and vice versa.
People are quick to give advice, even when it is not asked for. The sad thing is that even these judges in your life have lives that could also be deemed more blasphemous than yours yet they never think that they have anything that needs fixing. Why can't people just be happy for you if you are happy, why do they always like to throw stones?
Frankie says I told her something a long time ago that I don't remember but I probably did say it. She said I told her I was happy, this was my choice and to either get on board or not. Perfectly said. I have one judge that I will have to answer to when I come to the end of my journey here on earth and that's God. I know I am not a saint but I also know I am not the devil himself. I, me alone will have to answer to him about my life, not you or anybody else. I can't tell my heart what to feel and right now it's in one of the best places it has ever been. I feel so many levels of happiness that I alone cannot even explain and one thing I have that was missing before is peace of mind.
To all my critics out there religious and not, my advice to you is this. Everyone you come across in life is going through something. Love them for the person they are and be happy for them if they are happy and when they are sad be their shoulder to cry on if they need to. If they wanted a judge, they can go down to the county courthouse. The world is sad enough without people who we think are our friends trying to bring us down. Maybe my life is turning on a different path than what you thought it would or should be...and that may just be a good thing.
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