So today I did something that was weird...I changed my name on facebook back to what my name was in the first week of September 1995...Morales. So...for those of you who are looking for me as Kitchen, you won't find me there. I am finally going to say to you all if you don't know that I am in the process of going through a divorce.
Whenever you hear celebrities file for divorce their reps always issue statements to the press and public about how this is a difficult time and we should honor their privacy. I now know what that means. See, unless you are someone close to me who I choose to tell I post metaphor type blogs that people understand, though some don't.
I have chosen to move on in my life and do what is best for all involved and I will definately admit that it is sad and a hard thing to do, but life is too short to live unhappy and I finally got that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but unless you really know the situation inside and out it's hard to really gauge.
I lived a lot of years being sad and unhappy and as Ant's boy DJ Rowdy A said, "Life is too short...you only live once." I want to live my life knowing I did all that I could to be happy. I promised myself that 2012 was going to be different and I was going to be positive and happy and I have to tell you that so far it has been phenomenal. I wake up smiling, I go to bed smiling and I smile in between as well. Though this whole process is crazy and hard at times I am not going to let it get in my way of being happy.
I have had so many people in a certain place question me and my intentions of this process that instead of leaving there feeling good, I feel sad and guilty of my decisions to move on in my life happier than I have been in so many years. Honor my privacy? No, you don't have to do that, but at least honor my decision and smile when you see how happy I am. I may not be perfect, but really...who is?
John 8:7 says: He said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Life is meant to be lived and we all take different paths and though the path may be different from your own or your idea of what others paths may be, it isn't yours to take.
Unless I ask for your advice or if you are my closest friends and family who give me their advice no matter what, just know that I am in a better place, a happy place. Am I going straight to hell, who knows. I hope not. I'm still the same me. I teach sunday school and love it, I still listen to KSGN, I haven't dropped out of church entirely and yes, I still believe. Just like the Jennifer Lopez song titled UNTIL IT BEATS NO MORE says..."I'm alive, I can breathe, I can feel, I believe and there ain't no doubt about it it's love and I have found it feel the beat again, stronger than before, I'm gonna give you my heart until it beats no more." That's how I feel.
I have realized that life is given to us as a gift from God each day and we should live it and be happy and no matter what happens we should be at peace with ourselves and our decisions because the only person we really have to answer to in the end is the big guy upstairs.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
All Kinds of Happy
It seems as though the last few weeks I have been awakened from this deep sleep I have been in for the last 19 years. It's like I was hypnotized and all of a sudden someone snapped their fingers and I woke up. It's funny when you are so used to living a certain way that you become immune to all the things that aren't right in your life. You put a smile on your face for the outside world to see when it seems as though inside you are dying. You try and make things work until one day you realize that you are not happy and need to do something in your life to make a change.
I have made some changes these last few weeks that have been epic events in my life. While they are life changing for us, I know that they are for the best and in making these changes I have found that life is a gift that we are given by God to enjoy and live as he would want us to, happy.
I feel as I have been given another chance to live life and enjoy things again. I have laughed more these last two weeks more than I have laughed in the last few years. It is amazing how wonderful life can be when you allow yourself to smile and really feel it deep within.
I find myself waking up with a smile on my face and going to bed wearing the same smile. I find myself stargazing more and appreciating things we take for granted everyday. I guess I would describe it as the movie Pleasantville where everything was in black and white and then as two people are driving in a car and Etta James' AT LAST is playing in the background colors start to appear. I feel like all I have been noticing is all the vibrant colors in front of me.
People are scared of change. I know I was for so long, and I still am. I don't know what my future will bring but I am placing my trust in God and know that he will provide all I need to get through whatever comes my way. And in the process I am happy once again.
I have made some changes these last few weeks that have been epic events in my life. While they are life changing for us, I know that they are for the best and in making these changes I have found that life is a gift that we are given by God to enjoy and live as he would want us to, happy.
I feel as I have been given another chance to live life and enjoy things again. I have laughed more these last two weeks more than I have laughed in the last few years. It is amazing how wonderful life can be when you allow yourself to smile and really feel it deep within.
I find myself waking up with a smile on my face and going to bed wearing the same smile. I find myself stargazing more and appreciating things we take for granted everyday. I guess I would describe it as the movie Pleasantville where everything was in black and white and then as two people are driving in a car and Etta James' AT LAST is playing in the background colors start to appear. I feel like all I have been noticing is all the vibrant colors in front of me.
People are scared of change. I know I was for so long, and I still am. I don't know what my future will bring but I am placing my trust in God and know that he will provide all I need to get through whatever comes my way. And in the process I am happy once again.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Smile Starters
Sometimes we get so caught up in our crazy that we forget to think about those things in our life that make us smile. So to help me remember to smile I have put a list together of things that have made me smile since we have rang in the new year. I plan to do this at least once per month so that when I may not have a smile on my face, I can look back and remember these things and smile again. They are in no particular order and may not even make sense to any of you my wonderful blog followers, but just know they make me smile.
Here we go...
-Long evening walks with my daughter
-New Girl
-Progressive Insurance Flo
-Gina Gershon
-Swinging on a swing and leaning back so you see the sky
-Deep Dish Pizza
-Sunday School Students
-Blessings from above
-Bonding with my son
-My Friends
-Cologne
-Parents
-Dancing stupidly
-DJ Rowdy A
-Winks
-Peppermint Mocha
-Macaroni Bites
-Laundromat cart derby
-Realization that hits you like a brick
-Bibi and the Brown Bananas
-Compliments
-Checkmarks
-The color purple
-Singing while riding your bike
-Drawing with crayons
-Facebook updates
-Someone's smile
-Honesty
-Stevie Wonder
-Lady Antebellum
-M&M's (with popcorn)
-Falling leaves
-Warm seats
-Old men falling off scooters
-Cotton Candy
-Mirrors
-Euphoria
-Paying bills late
-Chocolate shakes
-The realization that you are happy and understanding you deserve it...
Just typing that list took me back to all the reasons they made me smile and if I was having a bad day before now, how easily it went away. Do you need to smile? Make your list today and feel how wonderful it feels.
Here we go...
-Long evening walks with my daughter
-New Girl
-Progressive Insurance Flo
-Gina Gershon
-Swinging on a swing and leaning back so you see the sky
-Deep Dish Pizza
-Sunday School Students
-Blessings from above
-Bonding with my son
-My Friends
-Cologne
-Parents
-Dancing stupidly
-DJ Rowdy A
-Winks
-Peppermint Mocha
-Macaroni Bites
-Laundromat cart derby
-Realization that hits you like a brick
-Bibi and the Brown Bananas
-Compliments
-Checkmarks
-The color purple
-Singing while riding your bike
-Drawing with crayons
-Facebook updates
-Someone's smile
-Honesty
-Stevie Wonder
-Lady Antebellum
-M&M's (with popcorn)
-Falling leaves
-Warm seats
-Old men falling off scooters
-Cotton Candy
-Mirrors
-Euphoria
-Paying bills late
-Chocolate shakes
-The realization that you are happy and understanding you deserve it...
Just typing that list took me back to all the reasons they made me smile and if I was having a bad day before now, how easily it went away. Do you need to smile? Make your list today and feel how wonderful it feels.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Stupid Mountain!
In every book ever written there is an end. Such is true with life and life experiences. Currently in my life I am at the end of a life experience that I thought I wrote the ending to, however there is someone reading the book who does not understand that. They are looking for additions to the book or sequels if you will and I have made it quite clear that there will be no sequels to this particular book and the end is the end.
My BFF Frankie told me that things will only get worse before they get better, which is so true and just what I am experiencing now. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control and we have to just decide for ourselves what is important to us. I have made decisions recently that everyone in my life will not agree with, but in the end I have to tell myself that this is my life to live and I have to do what makes me happy, even if it means the end of something that once was.
I cannot question the universe or how the stars line up, and sometimes I don't want to. At a time in my life right now that has me consumed with worry and stress I have also had instances of sheer happiness that I can't explain. Yes, all things happen for a reason and while I can't question those reasons, I know that if I sit and dwell on the negative forces of life I will never be able to enjoy my future, and who needs that?
Worse before they get better? Yes it's true. It's like I am jogging downhill to what seems like the better and then all of a sudden I come across this mountain in the road to get over that is trying to stop me from my continuing journey. While I guess I can cry about it I have to ask myself what good will that do? They say in life that there are those people who make things happen, those who watch things happen and then those who say..what just happened? I don't want to be one of those people who watch life go by unsure of what is happening. I want to be the one who is making things happen.
So while yes, I am at the end of this book and there is no chance for a sequel, I know that there are endless possibilities and I can't let myself get discouraged. There may be a mountain in front of me right now but ideas are already spinning in my head of how I will get to the top of the mountain to see the glorious view.
My BFF Frankie told me that things will only get worse before they get better, which is so true and just what I am experiencing now. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control and we have to just decide for ourselves what is important to us. I have made decisions recently that everyone in my life will not agree with, but in the end I have to tell myself that this is my life to live and I have to do what makes me happy, even if it means the end of something that once was.
I cannot question the universe or how the stars line up, and sometimes I don't want to. At a time in my life right now that has me consumed with worry and stress I have also had instances of sheer happiness that I can't explain. Yes, all things happen for a reason and while I can't question those reasons, I know that if I sit and dwell on the negative forces of life I will never be able to enjoy my future, and who needs that?
Worse before they get better? Yes it's true. It's like I am jogging downhill to what seems like the better and then all of a sudden I come across this mountain in the road to get over that is trying to stop me from my continuing journey. While I guess I can cry about it I have to ask myself what good will that do? They say in life that there are those people who make things happen, those who watch things happen and then those who say..what just happened? I don't want to be one of those people who watch life go by unsure of what is happening. I want to be the one who is making things happen.
So while yes, I am at the end of this book and there is no chance for a sequel, I know that there are endless possibilities and I can't let myself get discouraged. There may be a mountain in front of me right now but ideas are already spinning in my head of how I will get to the top of the mountain to see the glorious view.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Vegetables Please...
Proverbs 15:17 says, "A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than a steak with someone you hate". I could not agree more...
I was looking up bible verses about love when I came upon this one. It made me smile and made me think about a lot of things. As many of you know about me I am going through a time in my life where things are not so rosy and I am not exactly eating vegetables. When you're young you never think about the what if's that could happen in life you only think about the fairytale and what should be.
Here I am almost 40 years old and now all I think about are the what-ifs and what do I do now's. When you are young, everything is a fairytale and you never dream that your life may just turn out some way you hadn't planned for and that could be either good or bad. I never thought I would be here at this point in my life wondering what is going to happen next, driving down the street looking for my next place to live out my next chapter and begin a new life. I never thought I could do it, but I am.
For so long I was the one in Proverbs 15:17, you know the non vegetarian having the steak and never realizing it. You get used to life as you know it and any bad thing that happens in that life you become immune to. People tell you how unhappy you look and how you have changed and you think that they must be crazy and don't know what they are talking about, until that one day when you reach a point in your life where you realize you don't want the steak anymore and all you long for are the vegetables and those people were right about you.
I am at the point in my life where I realize that I am awesome. I may not be perfect but I am a fun, loving, creative and outgoing person. I feel like I have so much to give to the world and I have been awakened from this deep sleep and want to do just that-give to the world. I have reached the point of my life where I will not settle for less than anything that makes me happy and leaves a smile on my face. I want to have the vegetables, because I deserve nothing less.
I was looking up bible verses about love when I came upon this one. It made me smile and made me think about a lot of things. As many of you know about me I am going through a time in my life where things are not so rosy and I am not exactly eating vegetables. When you're young you never think about the what if's that could happen in life you only think about the fairytale and what should be.
Here I am almost 40 years old and now all I think about are the what-ifs and what do I do now's. When you are young, everything is a fairytale and you never dream that your life may just turn out some way you hadn't planned for and that could be either good or bad. I never thought I would be here at this point in my life wondering what is going to happen next, driving down the street looking for my next place to live out my next chapter and begin a new life. I never thought I could do it, but I am.
For so long I was the one in Proverbs 15:17, you know the non vegetarian having the steak and never realizing it. You get used to life as you know it and any bad thing that happens in that life you become immune to. People tell you how unhappy you look and how you have changed and you think that they must be crazy and don't know what they are talking about, until that one day when you reach a point in your life where you realize you don't want the steak anymore and all you long for are the vegetables and those people were right about you.
I am at the point in my life where I realize that I am awesome. I may not be perfect but I am a fun, loving, creative and outgoing person. I feel like I have so much to give to the world and I have been awakened from this deep sleep and want to do just that-give to the world. I have reached the point of my life where I will not settle for less than anything that makes me happy and leaves a smile on my face. I want to have the vegetables, because I deserve nothing less.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I'm Happy and I know It!
Let me just make a proclamation to you in case you don't know...I love bread...and dessert. If one of my new year's resolutions is to lose weight it never works because I love bread and dessert. When I go out to a restaurant I usually look at two things which is the dessert menu and the appetizer menu which usually consists of fatty breaded items bathed in grease before they serve it to you...oh and another thing I love is cheese..ooey gooey cheese.
Domino's has this commercial out right now that talks about how you can practically jumprope with all the cheese they stick in their breadsticks...dumb commercial, because now it's all I can think about. Don't get me wrong, I love fruit as well, like apples. But to me there is just something so much tastier than a normal plain apple if it is chopped up and put into a pie like at McDonalds. Oh I do love those apple pies but do you remember back in the day when the apple pies there were fried and they were so delightful? Why oh why did they feel like they had to bake them how they are now. Oh and while we are on the subject of mcDonald's if you have not tried their caramel apple sundae, you really need to, it is like heaven!
With all the bread and desserts in the world how is a girl supposed to be cuter than those stick thin figure girls in Cosmo? It's something I ask myself all the time. Just today my BFF Frankie went to Panera for lunch and brought me back their creamy broccoli cheddar soup in a bread bowl...oh my gosh...sheer heaven! And if the little top pf the bread and an extra piece of sourdough wasn't enough for me then at least I could tear up the bread bowl when I'm done and eat that too...but I'm not done! Along with it I asked her to bring me back one of their chocolate croissants, they are absolutely delectable! They are these little light flaky wonders with nice ooey gooey chocolate just enveloped inside waiting to pour out into your mouth teasing every tastebud! Someone give me an insulin shot now...please!
And that's just it. My family has a history of diabetes in the family. I know that pretty soon I will be diabetic too, but I can't help it, why oh why do they make sweets and bread and everything else I love if I can't enjoy? I remember my Grandma was diabetic and my cousins and I would go to her house for her to babysit us and she would have to inject herself with insulin. Sometimes she would let us kids do it for her and we always thought we were hurting her, but no. She would just grab some loose skin and say ok, shoot me and we did as we closed our eyes. I remember her living with us and she would hide bags of candy under her bed. She was happy, and I know it's because she had her candy...a woman after my own heart!
Come to think of it I have a bucket that Frankie bought me for Christmas with a bag of pocorn and a box of M and M's. The best of the best...sweet and salty together!
Yes, I want to be a cute girl like those girls in cosmo but I also want to be happy. I know if I am having a bad day, a salad won't make me feel as good as a vanilla bean frappuccino from Starbucks with caramel and mocha on the sides will!
Maybe I am not less than 100 pounds, but I am happy, know what to order that will make me even happier and you know what...I am cute and you all know it! Ha ha...it's my new positive 2012 attitude! May you continue to enjoy all the things that make you happy, even if you know it's bad for you:)
Domino's has this commercial out right now that talks about how you can practically jumprope with all the cheese they stick in their breadsticks...dumb commercial, because now it's all I can think about. Don't get me wrong, I love fruit as well, like apples. But to me there is just something so much tastier than a normal plain apple if it is chopped up and put into a pie like at McDonalds. Oh I do love those apple pies but do you remember back in the day when the apple pies there were fried and they were so delightful? Why oh why did they feel like they had to bake them how they are now. Oh and while we are on the subject of mcDonald's if you have not tried their caramel apple sundae, you really need to, it is like heaven!
With all the bread and desserts in the world how is a girl supposed to be cuter than those stick thin figure girls in Cosmo? It's something I ask myself all the time. Just today my BFF Frankie went to Panera for lunch and brought me back their creamy broccoli cheddar soup in a bread bowl...oh my gosh...sheer heaven! And if the little top pf the bread and an extra piece of sourdough wasn't enough for me then at least I could tear up the bread bowl when I'm done and eat that too...but I'm not done! Along with it I asked her to bring me back one of their chocolate croissants, they are absolutely delectable! They are these little light flaky wonders with nice ooey gooey chocolate just enveloped inside waiting to pour out into your mouth teasing every tastebud! Someone give me an insulin shot now...please!
And that's just it. My family has a history of diabetes in the family. I know that pretty soon I will be diabetic too, but I can't help it, why oh why do they make sweets and bread and everything else I love if I can't enjoy? I remember my Grandma was diabetic and my cousins and I would go to her house for her to babysit us and she would have to inject herself with insulin. Sometimes she would let us kids do it for her and we always thought we were hurting her, but no. She would just grab some loose skin and say ok, shoot me and we did as we closed our eyes. I remember her living with us and she would hide bags of candy under her bed. She was happy, and I know it's because she had her candy...a woman after my own heart!
Come to think of it I have a bucket that Frankie bought me for Christmas with a bag of pocorn and a box of M and M's. The best of the best...sweet and salty together!
Yes, I want to be a cute girl like those girls in cosmo but I also want to be happy. I know if I am having a bad day, a salad won't make me feel as good as a vanilla bean frappuccino from Starbucks with caramel and mocha on the sides will!
Maybe I am not less than 100 pounds, but I am happy, know what to order that will make me even happier and you know what...I am cute and you all know it! Ha ha...it's my new positive 2012 attitude! May you continue to enjoy all the things that make you happy, even if you know it's bad for you:)
Monday, January 9, 2012
MINE...Not Yours...Anymore
Today begins a new week of 2012. If you didn't get the first week right or just weren't happy with it, today was your chance to start all over again, but why wait for a new week? I think I am going to make every day even better than the last!
I have come in to 2012 with a positive attitude, have made some new friends and am getting rid of all the negativity that used to cloud my life. I do still have some things to do to commit to that fully, but I know I am well on my way! Today was back to school for my kids who have been off for three whole weeks, I mean how lucky is that? I wish Icould just have three weeks off and sit around in my PJ's all day. Heck, even when I am on vacation I still have to get dressed and actually have things to do-always busy! My daughter proclaimed that she was not going to school and how she was sad to be back! Give me a break I told her, it's a new year, make it count!
I was walking down a hallway at work today and I noticed that I have smiled more since we rang in the new year than I have in a few months and that made me smile more. Maybe it's the funny thought that the world may end according to the Mayans at the end of this year that has given me this carefree and happy go lucky attitude. I mean if this is in fact my last year on earth I guessI better die happy! C'mon all you crazy believers...you are not going to die at the end of the year so stop thinking you don't have to buy Christmas presents because you do.
I am reading a new book that has me wanting to finish it to see what happens and it is making me want to join a knitting circle, and yes I have even looked into that! My possibilities in my life this year are endless and each day when Iwake up it's like I am writing the words on the blank pages ahead of my life. That song from the popular show The Hills says...the rest is still unwritten. I am excited to see what happens with each new day or what idea will pop into my head to do next or what new person Iwill meet in my life.
I wish that I would have thought about life this exciting in all the 39 years I have been alive, but I guess it's never too late to start living and besides we only live once! I plan on living all the rest of my days however many God grants me with no regrets and a smile upon my face, and I am excited. I am feeling a sense of happiness that I have not experienced in a long time and I guess it's because I have decided that this is MY life, not anyone else's...anymore. I wish all of you a wonderful new day, each day!
I have come in to 2012 with a positive attitude, have made some new friends and am getting rid of all the negativity that used to cloud my life. I do still have some things to do to commit to that fully, but I know I am well on my way! Today was back to school for my kids who have been off for three whole weeks, I mean how lucky is that? I wish Icould just have three weeks off and sit around in my PJ's all day. Heck, even when I am on vacation I still have to get dressed and actually have things to do-always busy! My daughter proclaimed that she was not going to school and how she was sad to be back! Give me a break I told her, it's a new year, make it count!
I was walking down a hallway at work today and I noticed that I have smiled more since we rang in the new year than I have in a few months and that made me smile more. Maybe it's the funny thought that the world may end according to the Mayans at the end of this year that has given me this carefree and happy go lucky attitude. I mean if this is in fact my last year on earth I guessI better die happy! C'mon all you crazy believers...you are not going to die at the end of the year so stop thinking you don't have to buy Christmas presents because you do.
I am reading a new book that has me wanting to finish it to see what happens and it is making me want to join a knitting circle, and yes I have even looked into that! My possibilities in my life this year are endless and each day when Iwake up it's like I am writing the words on the blank pages ahead of my life. That song from the popular show The Hills says...the rest is still unwritten. I am excited to see what happens with each new day or what idea will pop into my head to do next or what new person Iwill meet in my life.
I wish that I would have thought about life this exciting in all the 39 years I have been alive, but I guess it's never too late to start living and besides we only live once! I plan on living all the rest of my days however many God grants me with no regrets and a smile upon my face, and I am excited. I am feeling a sense of happiness that I have not experienced in a long time and I guess it's because I have decided that this is MY life, not anyone else's...anymore. I wish all of you a wonderful new day, each day!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Living Life
So here it is 2012! Happy New Year! Unlike many of the interesting and fun things I have heard many people did to ring in the new year I have to confess that mine was pretty uneventful and me and my daughter played loud music and danced around and of course watched the ball drop on TV.
As I look ahead this year I plan to make some serious life altering changes that I am hoping will turn out ok and I am sure that with those will come some problems as well.
This year I want to live life to the fullest and I might as well as my daughter believes the darn Mayan calendar thing, which if it's true don't spend too much on Xmas as the world may end on 12/21...Give me a break. Here's a thought, our calendar ends every year and what happens??? We start a new calendar...duh!
In any case I want to really live life this year. I want to try new things and have fun...drama free, though I know there will be drama no matter how hard I wish for there not to be.
My mother has been here since the beginning of December and now she was also here to ring in the new year with us, so I am thankful for that. I am hoping to make a trip to see her within the next few years. I have had requests or I shall say demands from my daughter about what she wants to do for her birthday and who is going along and I have to remind her I have six months before I have to worry about it!
I want to take more time to enjoy time spent alone. Yes, as much as I love my brats I want to be able to leave and enjoy doing whatever I want without having to answer the phone...though Iam sure I will have to send a text or two sometime in there. I want to do so many things, my list could go on and on.
I want to be able to look back on my blog from when I first started it in a state of unhappiness to a place where I am not complaining or sounding like a mental patient but rather a fun, outgoing and lively person who is at peace with herself.
So here on this third day of 2012 I am vowing to begin these changes and be all that Ican be (No, I am not joining the army!). I will keep you updated on all my successes as well as little downfalls I may have here or there.
Here is to 2012! May you all find all that you wish in 2012! Have fun!
As I look ahead this year I plan to make some serious life altering changes that I am hoping will turn out ok and I am sure that with those will come some problems as well.
This year I want to live life to the fullest and I might as well as my daughter believes the darn Mayan calendar thing, which if it's true don't spend too much on Xmas as the world may end on 12/21...Give me a break. Here's a thought, our calendar ends every year and what happens??? We start a new calendar...duh!
In any case I want to really live life this year. I want to try new things and have fun...drama free, though I know there will be drama no matter how hard I wish for there not to be.
My mother has been here since the beginning of December and now she was also here to ring in the new year with us, so I am thankful for that. I am hoping to make a trip to see her within the next few years. I have had requests or I shall say demands from my daughter about what she wants to do for her birthday and who is going along and I have to remind her I have six months before I have to worry about it!
I want to take more time to enjoy time spent alone. Yes, as much as I love my brats I want to be able to leave and enjoy doing whatever I want without having to answer the phone...though Iam sure I will have to send a text or two sometime in there. I want to do so many things, my list could go on and on.
I want to be able to look back on my blog from when I first started it in a state of unhappiness to a place where I am not complaining or sounding like a mental patient but rather a fun, outgoing and lively person who is at peace with herself.
So here on this third day of 2012 I am vowing to begin these changes and be all that Ican be (No, I am not joining the army!). I will keep you updated on all my successes as well as little downfalls I may have here or there.
Here is to 2012! May you all find all that you wish in 2012! Have fun!
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