ROLLERCOASTER

We have all heard the saying that life is like a rollercoaster.  When you think about it it's really so true.  We have our ups and our downs and sometimes we travel on a straight path knowing a curve is just ahead. 

Each one of us are on our own personal rollercoaster because not one of our lives are exactly the same.  Tonight I was sitting in the mall and I was just watching the people that walked by.  It's funny to think that we don't know these people and will probably never see them again.  They are all living their lives somewhere in this world on their own rollercoaster.

As I sat and watched, I saw couples looking so happy, just starting out and older couples content just to be with each other.  I saw teenagers holding bags of clothes and beauty products and I remembered when I was their age.  Back then I thought I had my whole life ahead of me and I was eager to begin fulfilling my dreams.  I wonder what their dreams are.  I wonder if life turned out how people wished it would, did they find love, are they alone, do they have kids?  Are they happy?

As I walk past people sitting on the benches people watching I wonder if they are thinking all these things about me.  I wonder what they would think if they knew my story.  I wonder what they would tell me if they knew I was waiting for just the right time to give someone paperwork that will end our marriage.  I wonder what they would think of me if they knew I had my own private suite at casita cocina because I am happier there than with someone I have spent more than half of my life with. I wonder what they would think of my kids, how I make a living or how I gave up my dreams because I stopped believing I could achieve them.

Yes life is a strange roller coaster.  If I had to tell you where my roller coaster were at right now I would have to say that I am at a peak waiting to fall.  It seems as if my rollercoaster is moving full speed ahead right now.  The things I am about to do in my life will change our family dynamic and this is why it feels I am about to go down a steep hill on my rollercaster.  I imagine once the paperwork is given and we are in a place where we can be ourselves and learn who we are again it will be the best part of my rollercoaster, though I can't speak for anyone else and their coasters.  My climb to take me to the top of the rollercoaster may be the peak of my life but the the lowest point of anothers.

Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolates because you never know what you're going to get.  This is also true.  We have all these hopes and plans for our futures and what we will do and who we will choose to go through life with never really knowing if our choice will be right or wrong.  Some people stay together forever and some just can't go on.  No matter how much you hold on there is never a right time to let go and there will always be at least one person who isn't happy about our decisions.  There are times I think that I didn't sign up for this and yet here I am and then the two words I am sure many of us have used...Why Me?

I guess the answer to that would be that the tribulations we go through only make us stronger and shapes us to become better people in life.  There is a song on KSGN that says "What if trials in our life are our blessings in disguise."  Yes, what if?  I'm working my way through the trials and praying they are  my blessings in disguise.

Now let me close my eyes.  I hear the ticking of my rollercoaster about to take me somewhere I have never been...