Mom...

Today I saw my Mom.  It has been two years since I last saw her but here she is in California.  She lives in a place far far away called Texas and not only does she live in Texas but she lives all the way across it!  I spent some time with her in the morning and it was so nice to see her and have her give me a hug I used to love so much when I was little.  Later I took my babies and my wonderfully happy niece to go see her. It was like she never left.

My whole future is up in the air right now.  I have it all mapped out in my head, my perfect little happy and peaceful life and all that's holding me from getting there is me, I wish I was not fearful of things I can't see.  When I leave I know that my babies will be spending a lot of time with me wherever I go.  It will be hard to not always be in the same place with them but then I remember this is for the best. 

I imagine us living whereever we may live just a happy little threesome of a family down from a foursome.  It will take some adjusting but we will all find our places.  I am their mother.  I know they act like nothing bothers them  but I know better.  I wish we could press fast forward and be in that place already.  A place where we are happy and there is no unrest or fighting.  We have a long way to go.

I know though that one day when they are older they will still love me no matter where I live or what decisions I have made.  Though it may not always be visible, the love between a mother and her children never vanishes completely.  I know people who are like best friends with their parents and then I also know some who live less than a half an hour away from their parents and they have not talked in years.  I miss my mom every day and I know I should tell her I miss her and love her more-perhaps that will be my new years resolution. 

After seeing my mom today it was kind of a confirmation in my soul that told me that I would be alright.  My kids will be alright after all is said and done and so will I .I am looking forward to this month with my mom.  I don't know when I will see her again after this so I will cherish every moment I can-starting with today.  Love you Mom and I hope to be the lkind of mom you have been to us!