Heart Strings

My son turned 17 this weekend.  My daughter turned 15 in July.  I look at them and wonder where the time went.  I remember when Adri was a baby and Ant used to want to help me with her.  He would pull her around on a blanket so he could have her there with him.  These days they get along maybe twice a week, I am hoping that will change as they get older.

It seems like only yesterday I was their age and going through things that I see them facing.  Back in the day life seemed to be so much easier than what it is today.  My son is at the point in his life where all he wants to do is hang out with his friends and enjoy the last year of his high school years.  I was that way too, but less intense.  My idea of being a rebel was ditching school to decorate the band float and the kicker was that all the parents let us be absent that day, so we were not really rebels.  A good party was drinking soda and maybe sneaking a wine cooler or a zima (haha Zima)!  Nowadays If I pick Ant up from a party there is usually a cop watching all the teenagers leave in an orderly fashion.  Back in the day a cop would have scared the crap out of us.

Then there is my daughter.  She wears her heart on her sleeve and she is not hard to figure out.  Back in the day I had teenage crushes but it was different.  The longest I liked someone was two months tops and then there was someone else.  She is different.  If she likes someone, she does it devotedly (is that a word?).  She does it with her whole heart.  She has had a crush for a while but he doesn't want to crush on her back.  While I can understand how my baby girl feels and how her heart seems to be breaking I have to admit I am glad her crush only likes her as a friend.

I remember my mom telling me that I would have my whole life to meet someone and fall in love and to be a kid.  I remember liking boys and if they didn't like me I thought it was the end of the world.  I look back on those days and smile.  When you are a teenager you actually do think it's the end of the world if HE does not like you back, I was there once too.  Tonight I had to have a talk with her and tell her the same thing my mama told me.  I told her that she was beautiful and that there are plenty of people who think the same thing. I told her not to waste her time on someone who couldn't see how special she was.  Of course that talk went in one ear and out the other when all she could do was tell me how she would forget about him in a year...oh young love!

It's crazy looking at these little people that I once had in my stomach.  I sometimes miss them as sweet little babies who smelled of baby magic products and now smell like Victoria's Secret and Axe products.  They are taller than me and I like the people they have become.  I will admit that there are those days I would rather jump off a cliff than to deal with them and their attitudes but they are typically good kids.  It's kind of like having these mini friends who live with you and help you deal with your spouse.

It is hard being a teenager and I give them credit for their efforts but I must also say that it is hard being a parent.  You see them going through things and you know more or less what the outcome will be and when you try and help them in the right direction they accuse you of trying to control them.  It's hard to imagine that at this time next year my son will be an adult, a real live legal adult 18 year old.  It's scary.
I guess in the end all I can do is pray.  I will pray that one day they will go to church without me asking them to.  I pray that they will take the right paths in life and I just pray for them. 

They make me smile, make me cry, make me happy and sometimes break my heart.  I would do anything for them and they take up residence in most of my heart.  Your babies will always be your babies, no matter what and I plan on being with mine every step of the way.

FALLing

I was outside a while ago and I realized that it finally seemed like Fall.  This is one of my favorite times of the year when the weather changes but not so much that it's pouring outside.  I like it when it's cool outside at night and you have to actually use some kind of blanket when you go to sleep.  I love the colors of the season as well.  I love looking up at the trees with the leaves that have changed from green to hues of orange, yellow, red and brown.  You notice these things when you're a kid but when you get older it all becomes somewhat whimsical.
Shopping during fall when all you expect are Halloween costumes makes you crazy when you realize that Christmas is just around the corner.  Yesterday at Target they had halloween decorations right next to Christmas cards.  Honestly, I can't imagine where the year went.  Last time I looked we were welcoming in 2011 and in just three short months we will welcome in 2012.  You know what that means...the end of the world according to some....but wait...wasn't the world supposed to end in 1999 too?  All I know is that we are all on this earth for a reason and we are all leaving it one day, but I doubt we are all going to be wiped out because a calendar ends next year.
This year flew by.  As I sit here and reflect on my life this year I must say that it has been eye opening.  I went through a lot of medical procedures, personal changes, spritual transformation and just a myriad of my own all kinds of crazy that in essence made me realize that the only way to go is forward.  There have been times I lost sight of my goals and dreams and plans but I know with little reinforcements every day I am going to get there.  When my dreams and hopes become reality I will look back on the year that was my turning point and remember 2011.  This time last year I would never have believed that I would be here close to ten pm in my own private suite, ready to go to bed alone...but I am.  I think about all the events that took place to get me to this point and things make me both happy and tearful. 
I may not have the exact blueprint for the next chapter in my life but I am faithful that God will show me the way and I will be happy.  Who knows where I will be when the summer leaves change into fall colors again next year and I am reflecting on all the things 2012 has brought me.