So this weekend I was craving my Dad's famous banana pudding that he so lovingly poured his heart into whenever he made it. I used to watch him stir it while it cooked on the stove careful to not let the heat get too high so it wouldn't burn. Then he would place each banana slice carefully on a nilla wafer and layer it with his pudding. It was heaven and it was only logical that he would eventually teach me how to make it too. Tonight after church I decided I would make it. It wasn't until I was carefully stirring it just like my dad used to when it hit me...today is August 7th.
It was like my dad was telling me "Hey pumpkin seed, make banana pudding and think of me." Today 6 years ago was the last time that I ever would talk to my Daddy ever again. I remember that day so vividly. The kids and I got dropped off at his new little apartment to spend the day with him. We stocked up his cupboards with groceries. I made him chorizo and eggs, we went for a walk, Adri danced for him. He told us all how much he loved us. We laughed, we talked and most of all me and my kids loved my dad and he loved us. When we left that day I kissed him the top of his head and rushed out after I told him I would call him later. He knew I was taking the bus and called me a little while later to check on us. He told me thank you for spending the day with him and we said I love you to each other.
The next day I would learn that my Daddy went home to be with God whom he spent any of his free time learning about. It gives me peace knowing that he is in Heaven watching over us all. My dad had a bad heart and pretty much a bad body that just couldn't take the pain anymore. It was his time to go.
I thought that I would never smile or laugh again, it hurt me so much to lose the first man in my life. He was not only my dad but also one of my best friends. He reasoned with me and loved me. He taught me and protected me. He was my perfect dad. Of course growing up I didn't always think that. There were times that we did not agree and that I would be mad at him, but through it all we always understood and respected each other and I was a Daddy's girl.
He always wanted what was best for me but was flexible in putting my happiness first. He went without sometimes so we didn't have to. He made me laugh and he made me cry but most importantly he was instrumental in making me what I am today.
I know that he lives in my heart. When I was younger I used to tell him I didn't want him to die and he told me that he would always be alive in my heart and that no matter what I could always talk to him and he would be right there.
So tonight as I stirred my pudding that my dad somehow wanted me to make tonight I cried. It hit me all at once and I cried. As the tears rolled down my face, my boy, his grandson asked me what was wrong and I told him I missed my dad and it was the day before he died. He put his arm around me and told me it was ok. My dad loved my kids but he and my boy were very close. I knew at that moment in the kitchen tonight my dad was there with us and that pudding.
I went outside and cried a little more and talked to my dad and to God and I thanked God for giving me the 33 years I had with my dad. Everyday I miss him but time has let me laugh and smile again like I never thought I would. I told my dad if he was there with me at that moment to give me a sign and immediately it was as if I could feel his face trying to tickle the back of my neck like he used to do. He made me laugh again and I cried.
Dad would have been 70 next year and though I wish I had more time with him I know his life was good. I know he had a personal and spiritual relationship with Jesus and I know he's in Heaven, and always in my heart just like he promised.
I miss you Manny every day and I know one day I will see you again. My love for you will never die even though you had to. This banana pudding is for you-always in my heart Daddy.
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