Sweep up the Eggshells

Lately it seems that my whole house has invisible eggshells laying all over the place.  It used to be that people thought I was an ok person and never minded the way I sometimes become animated when I talk.  It was never a problem before if I used my hands as I always do to describe something or get my point across...but not anymore.

I have a desire to just come into my own private little suite when I get home from work and not say anything to anybody because the slightest little thing turns into World War 2011 at my house.  It never really works out for me though because if a kid and him are not seeing eye to eye I am pulled into their argument and then I get accused of needing to discipline more.  I can never just be.

There are days when I want to give a heads up of something I am doing during the week or weekend and then I get accused of flaunting it that I can just do whatever, which is never the case.  Then I say, "I just won't say anything" and then I hear I am being too dramatic and taking things to the extreme...phew...will I ever not be to blame.

On my continued walk along this path God is trying to show me I do try to be a better person wherever I go.  People like me at work and at church but here at home is such a different story.  If I take charge of a situation at home to be the referee of an argument I usually get told that either I am something that rhymes with witch and starts with a B or I get told that I haven't learned anything at church.  This coming from someone who doesn't even go, or I should say rarely goes.  It doesn't matter though because whenever I hear that, the guilt creeps in and I tell myself he's right.

I have been praying so much for God to show me the way and I have been stuck in this place that makes me more unhappy day by day.  I finally just decided to get it over with and all that paperwork that I have been carrying with me in my bag is about to set me free.  I know I am a good person and my kids know it too.  I decided that I am not going to let him steal my joy anymore.  Yes I am happy at church, at work and away from home because I know I am in the presence of people who love me no matter what.

I don't need to feel guilty for not liking serious TV shows or movies or for going on two hour long walks with the kids or for whatever I am accused of.  I am me and I am a pretty good person.  I am not perfect and I have bad days like everyone else but I know that no matter what God will love me, my kids and family will love me and so will my many friends.

So sweep up the eggshells, I can't walk on them anymore.