Home SUITE Home

Here I sit in my own private suite, the one that belongs to me, the one I share with no one.  I sit here on this couch that we never used to use and now I use everyday.  In the mornings I sit here when the house is quiet and read my bible and write down verses that I think pertain to me.  I have a strand of white christmas lights that are spread across my fireplace mantle that I turn on before I go to sleep.  My dresser full of clothes with a vase full of old rose bush branches that hold all my necklaces and old bottles that hold my bracelets.  My bed that I make each day before I leave to begin my day.  To my left is a little wicker basket that holds all my Danielle Steele books and magazines I love like Woman's Day, Glamour, Redbook and Cosmo.  Then there's a little table that holds my little TV.  Then there's a little wooden mahogany coffee table that holds everything that makes a girl smell pretty.  Victoria's Secret lotions and sprays, the many perfumes I will someday use all of and my basket full of nail polish.  Two recliner chairs and then back to my couch with two jewel tone teal satin pillows.

This is where I come after my day is over and where I wake up every day.  I am still getting used to opening my eyes and trying to remember where I am, and then I do.  It's all new to me and at times I think it's crazy and I wonder what I am doing.  It scares me and I sometimes think I will inch backwards but then I come in to my suite and think of how much I have come forward.  This is something I have wanted and needed for a very long time in life, and I am at peace.  I can feel it in my soul if that makes any sense.

For a long time I forgot who I was and what I wanted to do in life.  But now here I am again.  It's like someone stole my identity and after all these years they gave it back and I can breathe again.  Since I have moved in I have noticed so many changes taking place in me.  I don't feel rushed to come home to cater to anybody.  I don't have to explain where I am going if I just want to leave the house for a few minutes or all day long.  I am me again.

The kids are both in high school now and it's time for me to be me again, The time has never felt more right.  I close my eyes and can imagine my future.  Oh yes I know that soon things will be complicated and the peace I am feeling will be mixed with fighting emotion, fighting for the peace I am feeling and want more of  but confronted by hurdles I will have to jump over or knock down, anything to not go backwards. 

I am like a bear who hibernates in their cave, except I hibernate in my suite and it's sweet.  I can snore as loud as I want, leave the TV, MY TV, on all night and I can leave something somewhere and find it in the same place when I need it.  This is me now.  I don't need anyone to be in love with me because I am discovering that I love myself, something I should have been doing so many years ago before I got lost in someone else's world.  But I'm not lost anymore.  I have a clear vision in my head and in my heart of where I am going or at least of where I want to be.

I know that I am exactly where I need to be in my life right now and with each new day that I awaken alone in my little suite I am thankful for believing it's never too late to begin your future.