As I sit on the verge of early Monday morning quickly approaching, I am thinking I should be in bed by now, but I'm not, and I wonder why I am so tired all the time. This weekend was just like my blog title, which is my everyday, which is why I chose the name.
Yesterday me and Adri went to Long Beach with my Employee Recreation Club. We got up early and we were there early to claim our seats on the charter bus. We settled in for the ride on the bus where there were more adults...Ah...that should be relaxing right...wrong. Though the people on the bus were friendly, they were just too loud and happy for an 8:00 am drive to Long Beach. We watched a movie on the bus, the only problem...couldn't hear it....pleeeeease just be quiet! Ok, so once we got there we had the option of choosing to visit the Aquarium of the Pacific with a combination of either the Queen Mary tour or a harbor cruise tour. That was easy. Adri and I chose the Queen Mary since we did not want to get seasick for our trip.
We got on this little red bus called the Passport which was free and it took us to the Queen Mary. Now we watch a lot of TV and we have heard that the Queen Mary is haunted in some places, so we were expecting something crazy. I have to say as much as I was in awe at everything, I was kind of weirded out as well. There was eerie 1930's type music playing and old pictures and empty hallways. I was trying to be cool but Adri was like...heck no.... and started to run when we got too far. She ran right into a tour guide who understood why we were freaked out and said she has experienced things there...ok lady stop scaring us! Anyways, she pointed us in the right direction and told us we would eventually end up where we started, um yeah if some ship ghost didn't get us first! Joking aside, it was an awesome place and we got to see one of the propellers which was neat, but weird. All I could think about was the Titanic movie and I related to this ship that way. I must tell you that we did think we heard some odd footsteps in a space where no one else was, but we will never know if it was some kind of paranormal activity.
We saw the Ghosts and Legends tour and we were both scared, even though I wasn't letting her know that, I mean I have to show her that I am one tough mama...but deep down I was shakin in my boots! We got to go out on the deck and all I could think of was Rose and Jack kissing on the stern of the boat and I shouted "I'm the Queen of the World" as Adri rolled her eyes.
Being there in Long Beach right by the Catalina Express took me back to years ago when HE and I went to Catalina. Old memories made me sad and I wanted to call him. I did...then I was instantly reminded of why I am where I am today with him as I reminiced and it seemed like no big deal on the other end...I quickly hung up. I was in Long Beach with my daughter and this was our day, not his. We visited the aquarium which was crowded and I felt like all those fish -jam packed in a small space. Though I was fascinated for a while at all the brilliant colors of the underwater wonders, after a while I was bored...I mean...they are fish people! I thought of my dad when I saw the little seahorses as those were his tattoos on his feet, I thought of my son when I saw a diving duck as his nickname is Ducky. We had lunch and shared some laughs, went for a long walk downtown and walked to the lighthouse and along the water. We shared stories and enjoyed being together and we were both happy. I could go for more of this Mother/Daughter time, seriously.
As we spent some quiet time on a small pier I watched 3 new brides taking wedding pictures with their new husbands on the waterfront. They looked so happy. Adrianna thought otherwise and said she was never ruining her life by getting married. I couln't help but to laugh, but it made me sad. I was sad for how life doesn't always turn out how you wish and things you wish for don't always come to fruition.
It was a thought provoking time but Adri and I enjoyed our time together and we even joked that her and I would move there one day to which I am sure she already has made plans for. Once we got back to reality and the Inland Empire it was back to the CRAZY. Fighting, nitpicking, innuendos and attitudes. The night ended with us crashing out in the den and I woke up at 3 am and came back to my private suite and left them there on the couches.
With Sunday came Father's Day and church and Sunday school. Church was a service for Father's and how they should treat their wives and children and likewise. It struck a nerve and made me sad. So many people were there with their Husbands and Fathers. My Dad is in Heaven and the one that is my husband for now wasn't there and it's sad that people only expect to see me and Adri...since that's all they mostly see. Once we came home we gave him his cards and present and decided to have dinner. Of course the CRAZY crept in at times. We went shopping and got annoyed with both kids and continued the shopping trip without them. I figured since it was just us this would be the perfect time to talk about reality and my plans for moving forward with things. Of course the real CRAZY kicked in and as we walked up and down the aisles we argued and ended up going to different parts of the store. A quiet ride home led to me sitting in the car trying to diffuse the situation in my head.
Since our dryer hasnt worked in months I did my weekly laundry trip by walking to the laundromat down the street, but not before I slammed the door and mumbled something like here I go doing this as I always do someone else can put the groceries away. As I turned the pages of a magazine, Anthony showed up to keep me company-that's my boy, taking care of his mama.
At home I decided to open the bottle of wine we received as a gift from the restaurant. I pulled open the drawer for the corkscrew...not there...another drawer...not there...another drawer...where is my corkscrew? Then, it happened....I had my once in a while mini breakdown. You know the one where it feels like all the world is ending and nothing is going your way and you begin to question the powers that be. I kneeled in the kitchen crying and realized I wasn't crying because I couldn't find the dumb corkscrew, I was crying because of where I am right now in my life.
I have my kids whom I love very much, but just wish that at times they would act like they care more and refrain from acting like annoying teenagers most of the time. I have a job, I have a house and enough money in the bank to be ok. But there are just things in my life that overwhelm me. Everyone in my house has their own room including me.
I went outside between the two cars and cried as I asked God what is next in my life, what does he want me to do and then poured out the desires of my heart for my life, for my future. God is busy. Wouldn't it be much easier if I could help him out by telling him my dreams and hopes...oh but what fun would that be.
I guess life is full of things we can't control. I live in ALL KINDS OF CRAZY...everyday. I know I'm moving forward though and perhaps this blog will be changed to ALL KINDS OF PEACEFUL one day...yes...one day.
PS...I never did find that corkscrew! However, I think this was God's way of telling me I'm ALL KINDS OF CRAZY without the wine.
On a final note, I would like to dedicate this blog to my Dad who is no longer with us. Though each year gets a little easier to handle, It's still hard to face this day without him. Happy Father's Day Manny.
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