When you are in elementary school and junior high school people come into our lives that we consider our friends. They are these wonderful people who are there with us as we go through puberty. They make us laugh and they even make us cry. We go through things together like first loves, jealousy, gossip, training bras and the list goes on.
Up to about junior high we can't live wihout these people. They are our world and even being home on the weekends drives us crazy because we are not around our friends as much. Then as we move on to high school something happens. All these other kids from different middle schools who are strangers suddenly are poured into one giant melting pot and we are expected to co-habitate for six hours every day. As much as we vow to stick with our old friends, there is something magical about these new people and we somehow gravitate toward them and slowly ...voila...they become our new friends. We try and still be just as close with our old faithful friends and they try and do the same but strangely...they have new friends too and the chemistry is not always a good mix.
Slowly we become different people molding ourselves to fit our new friends and forgetting our friends of the past, maybe not completely but if we do talk it's brief and definately not the same. High school is a strange time and it's a time when we all try and find our identity while having to realize that soon we will have to choose a career path and become adults. Looking through my yearbook I see all the KITs which was short for keep in touch. Friends promising to be friends forever until graduation but somehow thinking in the back of our minds that we would slowly lose touch.
After I graduated I didn't think I would see many of my friends and while it was sad I realized that life goes on, people move on. Then came Facebook....
Suddenly all these people from my past were here in one place wanting to be my friend. I was suddenly reminded when people's birthdays were and I got continuous updates. Even people I didn't talk to much in high school suddenly remembered me and even they wanted to be my friends...and magically like I was put in a time machine to 1984, there were my friends, my old friends that were there long before I cared about pomp and circumstance.
There are friends whom you know will always be just here on Facebook and then there are old friends who no matter how much time it has been since the last time you talked you realize are friends who are part of your soul. Last night I experienced this with four friends whom I go way back with. Nancy (BFF), Eddie, Sarah and Carl.
The great thing about old friends is that they sometimes come with new friends who are their spouses. This was also true last night when Carl brought Jennifer and Nancy brought Mark.
When we drove into the parking lot of the restaurant we saw Sarah jumping up and down like she just won the lottery, but her happiness came from seeing us and we were just as excited wanting to jump right out of the car. Then we saw Carl and his wife and we all ran to each other and huddled in a bear hug bigger than the one that Carl designed in sixth grade.
What happens at the lotus stays at the lotus but I will tell you this...I have not laughed so hard in months. We made enough inside jokes to last us a lifetime and we had a blast in the process. There we were sitting around this table remembering how we were back in the day yet marveling about how awesome we still were as adults. I smile when I think about it and I can't wait for the next time we can all get together...even if we have to hunt Sarah down in a snow bank.
Someone I will just call my ex #1 friend introduced me to a song called friends. One of the verses says...
Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know that a lifetime's not too long to live as friends". I think of those words and they are so true. I feel so blessed and so grateful to have these old and new friends in my life. I have the picture we took in a frame on my desk in a frame that says FRIENDS. We make sense but this time I will spell it CENTS because that is the first letter of our old friends names. Carl, Eddie, Nancy, Tembi and Sarah.
I know that no matter what I may go through in life or how I look, they will always remember me as I was back then and love me for who I am now still and you know what? A lifetime isn't too long to live as friends. I love you guys!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Long Beach, Father's Day and a Corkscrew...
As I sit on the verge of early Monday morning quickly approaching, I am thinking I should be in bed by now, but I'm not, and I wonder why I am so tired all the time. This weekend was just like my blog title, which is my everyday, which is why I chose the name.
Yesterday me and Adri went to Long Beach with my Employee Recreation Club. We got up early and we were there early to claim our seats on the charter bus. We settled in for the ride on the bus where there were more adults...Ah...that should be relaxing right...wrong. Though the people on the bus were friendly, they were just too loud and happy for an 8:00 am drive to Long Beach. We watched a movie on the bus, the only problem...couldn't hear it....pleeeeease just be quiet! Ok, so once we got there we had the option of choosing to visit the Aquarium of the Pacific with a combination of either the Queen Mary tour or a harbor cruise tour. That was easy. Adri and I chose the Queen Mary since we did not want to get seasick for our trip.
We got on this little red bus called the Passport which was free and it took us to the Queen Mary. Now we watch a lot of TV and we have heard that the Queen Mary is haunted in some places, so we were expecting something crazy. I have to say as much as I was in awe at everything, I was kind of weirded out as well. There was eerie 1930's type music playing and old pictures and empty hallways. I was trying to be cool but Adri was like...heck no.... and started to run when we got too far. She ran right into a tour guide who understood why we were freaked out and said she has experienced things there...ok lady stop scaring us! Anyways, she pointed us in the right direction and told us we would eventually end up where we started, um yeah if some ship ghost didn't get us first! Joking aside, it was an awesome place and we got to see one of the propellers which was neat, but weird. All I could think about was the Titanic movie and I related to this ship that way. I must tell you that we did think we heard some odd footsteps in a space where no one else was, but we will never know if it was some kind of paranormal activity.
We saw the Ghosts and Legends tour and we were both scared, even though I wasn't letting her know that, I mean I have to show her that I am one tough mama...but deep down I was shakin in my boots! We got to go out on the deck and all I could think of was Rose and Jack kissing on the stern of the boat and I shouted "I'm the Queen of the World" as Adri rolled her eyes.
Being there in Long Beach right by the Catalina Express took me back to years ago when HE and I went to Catalina. Old memories made me sad and I wanted to call him. I did...then I was instantly reminded of why I am where I am today with him as I reminiced and it seemed like no big deal on the other end...I quickly hung up. I was in Long Beach with my daughter and this was our day, not his. We visited the aquarium which was crowded and I felt like all those fish -jam packed in a small space. Though I was fascinated for a while at all the brilliant colors of the underwater wonders, after a while I was bored...I mean...they are fish people! I thought of my dad when I saw the little seahorses as those were his tattoos on his feet, I thought of my son when I saw a diving duck as his nickname is Ducky. We had lunch and shared some laughs, went for a long walk downtown and walked to the lighthouse and along the water. We shared stories and enjoyed being together and we were both happy. I could go for more of this Mother/Daughter time, seriously.
As we spent some quiet time on a small pier I watched 3 new brides taking wedding pictures with their new husbands on the waterfront. They looked so happy. Adrianna thought otherwise and said she was never ruining her life by getting married. I couln't help but to laugh, but it made me sad. I was sad for how life doesn't always turn out how you wish and things you wish for don't always come to fruition.
It was a thought provoking time but Adri and I enjoyed our time together and we even joked that her and I would move there one day to which I am sure she already has made plans for. Once we got back to reality and the Inland Empire it was back to the CRAZY. Fighting, nitpicking, innuendos and attitudes. The night ended with us crashing out in the den and I woke up at 3 am and came back to my private suite and left them there on the couches.
With Sunday came Father's Day and church and Sunday school. Church was a service for Father's and how they should treat their wives and children and likewise. It struck a nerve and made me sad. So many people were there with their Husbands and Fathers. My Dad is in Heaven and the one that is my husband for now wasn't there and it's sad that people only expect to see me and Adri...since that's all they mostly see. Once we came home we gave him his cards and present and decided to have dinner. Of course the CRAZY crept in at times. We went shopping and got annoyed with both kids and continued the shopping trip without them. I figured since it was just us this would be the perfect time to talk about reality and my plans for moving forward with things. Of course the real CRAZY kicked in and as we walked up and down the aisles we argued and ended up going to different parts of the store. A quiet ride home led to me sitting in the car trying to diffuse the situation in my head.
Since our dryer hasnt worked in months I did my weekly laundry trip by walking to the laundromat down the street, but not before I slammed the door and mumbled something like here I go doing this as I always do someone else can put the groceries away. As I turned the pages of a magazine, Anthony showed up to keep me company-that's my boy, taking care of his mama.
At home I decided to open the bottle of wine we received as a gift from the restaurant. I pulled open the drawer for the corkscrew...not there...another drawer...not there...another drawer...where is my corkscrew? Then, it happened....I had my once in a while mini breakdown. You know the one where it feels like all the world is ending and nothing is going your way and you begin to question the powers that be. I kneeled in the kitchen crying and realized I wasn't crying because I couldn't find the dumb corkscrew, I was crying because of where I am right now in my life.
I have my kids whom I love very much, but just wish that at times they would act like they care more and refrain from acting like annoying teenagers most of the time. I have a job, I have a house and enough money in the bank to be ok. But there are just things in my life that overwhelm me. Everyone in my house has their own room including me.
I went outside between the two cars and cried as I asked God what is next in my life, what does he want me to do and then poured out the desires of my heart for my life, for my future. God is busy. Wouldn't it be much easier if I could help him out by telling him my dreams and hopes...oh but what fun would that be.
I guess life is full of things we can't control. I live in ALL KINDS OF CRAZY...everyday. I know I'm moving forward though and perhaps this blog will be changed to ALL KINDS OF PEACEFUL one day...yes...one day.
PS...I never did find that corkscrew! However, I think this was God's way of telling me I'm ALL KINDS OF CRAZY without the wine.
On a final note, I would like to dedicate this blog to my Dad who is no longer with us. Though each year gets a little easier to handle, It's still hard to face this day without him. Happy Father's Day Manny.
Yesterday me and Adri went to Long Beach with my Employee Recreation Club. We got up early and we were there early to claim our seats on the charter bus. We settled in for the ride on the bus where there were more adults...Ah...that should be relaxing right...wrong. Though the people on the bus were friendly, they were just too loud and happy for an 8:00 am drive to Long Beach. We watched a movie on the bus, the only problem...couldn't hear it....pleeeeease just be quiet! Ok, so once we got there we had the option of choosing to visit the Aquarium of the Pacific with a combination of either the Queen Mary tour or a harbor cruise tour. That was easy. Adri and I chose the Queen Mary since we did not want to get seasick for our trip.
We got on this little red bus called the Passport which was free and it took us to the Queen Mary. Now we watch a lot of TV and we have heard that the Queen Mary is haunted in some places, so we were expecting something crazy. I have to say as much as I was in awe at everything, I was kind of weirded out as well. There was eerie 1930's type music playing and old pictures and empty hallways. I was trying to be cool but Adri was like...heck no.... and started to run when we got too far. She ran right into a tour guide who understood why we were freaked out and said she has experienced things there...ok lady stop scaring us! Anyways, she pointed us in the right direction and told us we would eventually end up where we started, um yeah if some ship ghost didn't get us first! Joking aside, it was an awesome place and we got to see one of the propellers which was neat, but weird. All I could think about was the Titanic movie and I related to this ship that way. I must tell you that we did think we heard some odd footsteps in a space where no one else was, but we will never know if it was some kind of paranormal activity.
We saw the Ghosts and Legends tour and we were both scared, even though I wasn't letting her know that, I mean I have to show her that I am one tough mama...but deep down I was shakin in my boots! We got to go out on the deck and all I could think of was Rose and Jack kissing on the stern of the boat and I shouted "I'm the Queen of the World" as Adri rolled her eyes.
Being there in Long Beach right by the Catalina Express took me back to years ago when HE and I went to Catalina. Old memories made me sad and I wanted to call him. I did...then I was instantly reminded of why I am where I am today with him as I reminiced and it seemed like no big deal on the other end...I quickly hung up. I was in Long Beach with my daughter and this was our day, not his. We visited the aquarium which was crowded and I felt like all those fish -jam packed in a small space. Though I was fascinated for a while at all the brilliant colors of the underwater wonders, after a while I was bored...I mean...they are fish people! I thought of my dad when I saw the little seahorses as those were his tattoos on his feet, I thought of my son when I saw a diving duck as his nickname is Ducky. We had lunch and shared some laughs, went for a long walk downtown and walked to the lighthouse and along the water. We shared stories and enjoyed being together and we were both happy. I could go for more of this Mother/Daughter time, seriously.
As we spent some quiet time on a small pier I watched 3 new brides taking wedding pictures with their new husbands on the waterfront. They looked so happy. Adrianna thought otherwise and said she was never ruining her life by getting married. I couln't help but to laugh, but it made me sad. I was sad for how life doesn't always turn out how you wish and things you wish for don't always come to fruition.
It was a thought provoking time but Adri and I enjoyed our time together and we even joked that her and I would move there one day to which I am sure she already has made plans for. Once we got back to reality and the Inland Empire it was back to the CRAZY. Fighting, nitpicking, innuendos and attitudes. The night ended with us crashing out in the den and I woke up at 3 am and came back to my private suite and left them there on the couches.
With Sunday came Father's Day and church and Sunday school. Church was a service for Father's and how they should treat their wives and children and likewise. It struck a nerve and made me sad. So many people were there with their Husbands and Fathers. My Dad is in Heaven and the one that is my husband for now wasn't there and it's sad that people only expect to see me and Adri...since that's all they mostly see. Once we came home we gave him his cards and present and decided to have dinner. Of course the CRAZY crept in at times. We went shopping and got annoyed with both kids and continued the shopping trip without them. I figured since it was just us this would be the perfect time to talk about reality and my plans for moving forward with things. Of course the real CRAZY kicked in and as we walked up and down the aisles we argued and ended up going to different parts of the store. A quiet ride home led to me sitting in the car trying to diffuse the situation in my head.
Since our dryer hasnt worked in months I did my weekly laundry trip by walking to the laundromat down the street, but not before I slammed the door and mumbled something like here I go doing this as I always do someone else can put the groceries away. As I turned the pages of a magazine, Anthony showed up to keep me company-that's my boy, taking care of his mama.
At home I decided to open the bottle of wine we received as a gift from the restaurant. I pulled open the drawer for the corkscrew...not there...another drawer...not there...another drawer...where is my corkscrew? Then, it happened....I had my once in a while mini breakdown. You know the one where it feels like all the world is ending and nothing is going your way and you begin to question the powers that be. I kneeled in the kitchen crying and realized I wasn't crying because I couldn't find the dumb corkscrew, I was crying because of where I am right now in my life.
I have my kids whom I love very much, but just wish that at times they would act like they care more and refrain from acting like annoying teenagers most of the time. I have a job, I have a house and enough money in the bank to be ok. But there are just things in my life that overwhelm me. Everyone in my house has their own room including me.
I went outside between the two cars and cried as I asked God what is next in my life, what does he want me to do and then poured out the desires of my heart for my life, for my future. God is busy. Wouldn't it be much easier if I could help him out by telling him my dreams and hopes...oh but what fun would that be.
I guess life is full of things we can't control. I live in ALL KINDS OF CRAZY...everyday. I know I'm moving forward though and perhaps this blog will be changed to ALL KINDS OF PEACEFUL one day...yes...one day.
PS...I never did find that corkscrew! However, I think this was God's way of telling me I'm ALL KINDS OF CRAZY without the wine.
On a final note, I would like to dedicate this blog to my Dad who is no longer with us. Though each year gets a little easier to handle, It's still hard to face this day without him. Happy Father's Day Manny.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Home SUITE Home
Here I sit in my own private suite, the one that belongs to me, the one I share with no one. I sit here on this couch that we never used to use and now I use everyday. In the mornings I sit here when the house is quiet and read my bible and write down verses that I think pertain to me. I have a strand of white christmas lights that are spread across my fireplace mantle that I turn on before I go to sleep. My dresser full of clothes with a vase full of old rose bush branches that hold all my necklaces and old bottles that hold my bracelets. My bed that I make each day before I leave to begin my day. To my left is a little wicker basket that holds all my Danielle Steele books and magazines I love like Woman's Day, Glamour, Redbook and Cosmo. Then there's a little table that holds my little TV. Then there's a little wooden mahogany coffee table that holds everything that makes a girl smell pretty. Victoria's Secret lotions and sprays, the many perfumes I will someday use all of and my basket full of nail polish. Two recliner chairs and then back to my couch with two jewel tone teal satin pillows.
This is where I come after my day is over and where I wake up every day. I am still getting used to opening my eyes and trying to remember where I am, and then I do. It's all new to me and at times I think it's crazy and I wonder what I am doing. It scares me and I sometimes think I will inch backwards but then I come in to my suite and think of how much I have come forward. This is something I have wanted and needed for a very long time in life, and I am at peace. I can feel it in my soul if that makes any sense.
For a long time I forgot who I was and what I wanted to do in life. But now here I am again. It's like someone stole my identity and after all these years they gave it back and I can breathe again. Since I have moved in I have noticed so many changes taking place in me. I don't feel rushed to come home to cater to anybody. I don't have to explain where I am going if I just want to leave the house for a few minutes or all day long. I am me again.
The kids are both in high school now and it's time for me to be me again, The time has never felt more right. I close my eyes and can imagine my future. Oh yes I know that soon things will be complicated and the peace I am feeling will be mixed with fighting emotion, fighting for the peace I am feeling and want more of but confronted by hurdles I will have to jump over or knock down, anything to not go backwards.
I am like a bear who hibernates in their cave, except I hibernate in my suite and it's sweet. I can snore as loud as I want, leave the TV, MY TV, on all night and I can leave something somewhere and find it in the same place when I need it. This is me now. I don't need anyone to be in love with me because I am discovering that I love myself, something I should have been doing so many years ago before I got lost in someone else's world. But I'm not lost anymore. I have a clear vision in my head and in my heart of where I am going or at least of where I want to be.
I know that I am exactly where I need to be in my life right now and with each new day that I awaken alone in my little suite I am thankful for believing it's never too late to begin your future.
This is where I come after my day is over and where I wake up every day. I am still getting used to opening my eyes and trying to remember where I am, and then I do. It's all new to me and at times I think it's crazy and I wonder what I am doing. It scares me and I sometimes think I will inch backwards but then I come in to my suite and think of how much I have come forward. This is something I have wanted and needed for a very long time in life, and I am at peace. I can feel it in my soul if that makes any sense.
For a long time I forgot who I was and what I wanted to do in life. But now here I am again. It's like someone stole my identity and after all these years they gave it back and I can breathe again. Since I have moved in I have noticed so many changes taking place in me. I don't feel rushed to come home to cater to anybody. I don't have to explain where I am going if I just want to leave the house for a few minutes or all day long. I am me again.
The kids are both in high school now and it's time for me to be me again, The time has never felt more right. I close my eyes and can imagine my future. Oh yes I know that soon things will be complicated and the peace I am feeling will be mixed with fighting emotion, fighting for the peace I am feeling and want more of but confronted by hurdles I will have to jump over or knock down, anything to not go backwards.
I am like a bear who hibernates in their cave, except I hibernate in my suite and it's sweet. I can snore as loud as I want, leave the TV, MY TV, on all night and I can leave something somewhere and find it in the same place when I need it. This is me now. I don't need anyone to be in love with me because I am discovering that I love myself, something I should have been doing so many years ago before I got lost in someone else's world. But I'm not lost anymore. I have a clear vision in my head and in my heart of where I am going or at least of where I want to be.
I know that I am exactly where I need to be in my life right now and with each new day that I awaken alone in my little suite I am thankful for believing it's never too late to begin your future.
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