On the Edge...

All kinds of crazy...that's my life and why I chose that name for this my beloved blog.  If there has ever been a time when my life has been crazy, it's right now.  For so long it seems as though while there have been little spurts of crazy here and there, it hasn't been crazy like right now.  I feel as if everything up to this point has been leading me to the edge of this cliff I feel as though I am standing upon.  So now it's up to me.  At the bottom of the cliff is a beautiful valley with flowers so strong and fragrant that I can smell them from up here.  Here at the top of the cliff is my safety and everything I have known up to my standing here.  It's not wonderful at the top of the cliff, but it's not so terrible...or is it? 

For anyone who really knows me, they know that I am afraid of heights.  How is it that I can even think of jumping off this cliff, and then I feel myself inching backwards to my safety.  Still...it looks so peaceful at the bottom.  Yes I know that saying, life isnt always greener on the other side, but life is a risk, right?  What happens if I don't make it to the bottom, what will happen on the way down...I feel my heart beating so fast.

I know there will be people at the bottom cheering me on and even people on the cliff.  Either way I will have made the wrong decision in someon'es opinion even though it's my journey.  I know I can't make everyone happy with my choice to stand here at the top or jump to the bottom, but this is my journey, right?

Oh how I wish someone would just push me off this cliff, but haven't they?  It's funny how after so long on the long road to the edge of the cliff, the scenery has been good and bad but what seems like more bad toward the end.  Then all of a sudden they come and plant all kinds of pretty flowers similar to the ones down below to try and get you to change your mind about jumping.  Why now?  These should have been planted at the beginning of the road and all along the way.

So here I stand... 
Here on the edge, scared to fall
but tired of standing and trying at all ...