Me Time...

I was off work for a total of ten days and today I woke up feeling as though I needed more, even though I knew I did not want to spend another day at home with fighty family, yes myself included.  People start to get on everyone’s nerves when there is extended time off.  Add to that someone who is on a normal routine coming home to cabin fever people and they get attacked with attitude.  This seemed to be what was happening at my house the last few weeks.  I was off, the kids were off and HE had to work.  When he came home for the day we were not in the mood to be cordial because we all had to spend the day together.  Well, let me rephrase that.  We didn’t have to spend the days together, but we did.  I had shopping to do, they wanted to come along, I was cleaning or wrapping presents, they were right there.  Top it off with the bugging that goes with kids and parents.  “Mom, can we go get something to eat, we don’t have anything here” which always makes me laugh because I can look in the cupboards and the fridge and find plenty of things, but either they are too lazy or just want to drive me crazy…why is that? 

I did find instances of me time, but they were on a tight schedule and the me time got rolled into things I had to do like Christmas shopping and with crowds at this time of the year any me time is just stressed out time.  The truth is I am becoming this grouchy little lady who is snappy and unhappy and I think me time is long overdue.  Sometimes I think I am going to enjoy even fifteen minutes of me time in the bathroom reading a smutty story about some jaded celebrity before I enjoy a long hot shower.  Somewhere in the middle of that experience someone knocks on the door either complaining about how someone is bothering them or needing something only I can assist them with.  I mean, it’s like dang, can I just have fifteen minutes?

We have sprinklers in our front yard but I love to go outside and just spend an hour watering it myself.  It is me time, the kind where I can get lost in my thoughts while doing something useful.  My mom used to be water the grass maniac and I used to think she was crazy.  Who cares if the grass got yellow in some spots?  Perhaps what I didn’t realize was that that was her me time and now I understand.  Of course my water the grass time gets interrupted by one of the kids thinking I need company when I absolutely do not. 

In my case it seems as though when you get your me time and want to go back to whoever time, they are all offended by that time that you needed all the me time because they wanted you to have them time.  I am suddenly the bad guy because I should have spent more time with them hearing them complain, poke jokes or just be obnoxious.  Perhaps this explains why when I have moments of me time I get all emotional.  Some of my most perfect me time is spent in my room watching sappy lifetime movies or romance movies on cable.  Always at the end when all is well with all things love I cry and wonder how life is so damn perfect for people…totally not factoring in that it is only a movie.  It’s still me time though and that’s quality me time.

It’s hard though to do me time at home.  It is frustrating when you are all into a movie and someone comes in the room asking questions like, “what’s this” or “what’s for dinner” or “where is something I don’t need but will bug you for anyways”.  Sometimes I think that a nice glass of wine is a good escape for me time too.  Usually after a few glasses any interruptions don’t matter because by then it’s all about me and only me time and don’t mess with me time and my wine.  The problem is after I drink wine I get happy and want to be nice to people.  This would not be a bad thing except that usually the people I have to deal with don’t drink wine so my happiness to them is annoying and the attitude comes out and then I’m stuck with unhappy people who hate me and my wine/me time moment. 

Another thing that is a pain when trying to have me time is cell phones.  It has crossed my mind to just ignore the cell when trying to enjoy a me time moment but then problems follow.  When you decide it is time to connect back to reality you find unpleasant texts questioning where you are and giving you a play by play of how the world came close to ending in the two hours you were unreachable…give me a break people!  All bets are off when the people in your life you need me time away from also need their me time.  I have two teenagers and the me time varies and don’t even think of interrupting that, oh hell no, a war will break out if you do!  My daughter loves to use the phrase “I just want to be left alone” … really honey?  Welcome to my world! 

Here Comes Another Year...

I have been off work for the past 10 days.  A combination of a flex day, weekends, vacation days and office closure.  On the first day I was on vacation, it seemed as though it would be forever till I had to go back to work.  Today is my last day off and it seems as though it went by so fast.  Tomorrow I will wake up wishing I could sleep in till at least 9am but knowing I have to get up and go back to the old grind.  I can't complain though since I only have a three day work week and then I will be off for four days, not to mention that though I may complain, I know how lucky I am to have a job in these hard times.

I spent my vacation with the kids, last minute shopping, baking and praying those awful storms would just go away.  I was wondering if I would see the sun again before I had to return to work.  Thankfully I did.  Christmas came and went and now 2011 is on it's way.  People will be running around this week getting ready for parties and celebrations to ring in the new year and thinking about all the resolutions they should make. 

My reolutions are very few and includes the one everyone does each year, you know, the promise to drop some pounds.  Yes, I make that resolution every year, but I never fully follow through.  This year though I need to stick to it.  So my plan is to lose fifty pounds this year.  First of all I am very short when I am not wearing heels. Extra poundage and short does not go good together as I do not particularly like looking like a round ball.  Oh, of course I don't think I look like a ball most of the time.  I get dressed for work and think I look cute.  Have you ever noticed that your mirrors at home are deceiving?  It's like they want you to believe you are this gorgeous goddess then you get to work and look in the mirrors under the flourescent lights and you realize you are yuck.  Maybe it' just me.  

So anyways, that is my main resolution along with some others that I will keep to myself and will pray for to happen.  Knowing me, they won't but I can still believe.  Oh, another resolution that I will share is that I will have all my Christmas shopping completed by September.  My goal is to purchase a few gift cards a month and just be done with it all.  It seems easy enough...wish me luck.

As the new year approaches each year I wonder what will happen.  I wonder what point in my life I will be in next year.  I wonder if my kids will have better grades and considering one will be a senior in high school I truly hope so.  I wonder what will be happening in the lives of my family and friends.  Time seems to go by so fast lately.  Next year at this time I will look back at all my blogs and remember what I was going through when I wrote them and hopefully I will be able to say it was worth it and not have any regrets.

Next year I will be 39.  I look at pictures of when my parents were 39 and think back to when I was little and think they were old then.  Now, 39 doesn't look that bad and I will say it is the new 29.  I don't feel old and maybe it's because of my kids.  I have a 16 year old and a 14 year old and they keep me feeling young.  Although I reminisce with songs we partied to back in the day, I know all the new songs the kids are listening to.  My daughter has reminded me what it was like growing up in the Madonna/Flashdance era.  Lace, off the shoulder, neon and bows are making a comeback.  It makes me sad I didn't save some of my things for her as she would have rocked it like I thought I did.  Not to mention they have no problem telling me that my purse or shoes or whatever looks like something an old lady would wear...really?  I like the old lady look though!

I wonder what my forties will bring, probably grandkids and different kinds of drama...who's to say.
So anyways as we begin the last week of 2010 I would like to wish all of you a wonderful new year.  No matter what happens in 2011 make the best of it and make memories you won't regret.  I'm sure going to try.

Raindrops For My Sister

For what seems like forever now, it has been raining in California...we are on storm watch and we are all just wishing it would end already.  I can't tell you how many times the boys have been up on the roof tarping the leaky spots because we are just ghetto in the winter.  This morning I was loving the rain as I laid in my comfy bed listening to the peaceful symphony of the raindrops.  This afternoon was a different story as I darted in and out of the stores trying to get my shopping done for Christmas, I should be done tomorrow!

The rain makes me think about things, I mean really sit and ponder life.  But one thing the rain does is remind me of my Dad and my Sister.  I don't know the whole story, but basically my Dad used to sing "Raindrops keep falling on my head"  to her.  My sister and I have different moms but our dad we share.  When I was growing up I lived with my mom and dad and she lived with her mom and stepdad who are both very wonderful.  I remember being so happy when she would come down and spend holidays and weekends with us, we alway had so much fun.

As I got into my teenage years, I basically was a drama queen, kind of like my daughter now...hmmm!  I remember being mad at my sister and writing letters to her because she didn't come around as much.  I guess I felt like she didn't care.  It's funny what you realize as you get older.  What I failed to realize was that my sister was growing up as well and following her paths for her future.  Here I was with my dad all the time like a spoiled brat when though she was happy with her family, she must have missed him too.  If I was her, I would have hated me and my dumb letters.

As life went on we both had babies and got married and had our households to manage.  We tried to stay in touch but it's not always easy...until Facebook.  Now my sister and me comment on posts of each other and send little messages here and there and I am so happy.

Like my mom, my sister is also a fan of mine and I hope she gets to read this.  Dad always sang that song not only in the rain, always in the rain and sometimes in the sunshine  He would sometimes follow it up with "You are my sunshine".  I never thought about it before but now I am almost certain that whenever he sang it, he was thinking about you.  You were on his mind and in his heart more than you can imagine. 

I remember his memorial service that was on a Monday night and my sister couldn't be there.  She sent a poem that he wanted our cousin to read as a tribute to our dad.  At the very end she wrote..."Raindrops keep falling on my head Daddy-I love you.  Some days on days like this I read through a folder I keep things of his and her poem is there.  I keep it there to remind me that no matter how much time is actually spent with someone a special love will always be preent.  They had a special love and bond.  They understood where they stood with each other and it was ok. 

He sang it all the time Shell, as if you were always right there.  I am so glad that out of everything in life we shared our wonderful Daddy.  Rejoice in the raindrops...he's sending them to you.  I love you.

Christmas Blues

Twas the week before Christmas and all through my mind, I was looking for peace any I could find
Teenagers at home and driving me crazy, So much to do when I'd rather be lazy
Cookies to bake and presents to wrap, Putting up with the husband's crap
Ever so thankful I'm off for a week, But the rain keeps falling and causing a leak
Checking my budget while checking my list, Money depleting and making me pissed
Mad at the xmas lights and how they're half assed, Longing for my Christmas Past
When I was young with no care at all, Hanging out at Central City Mall
Shopping for presents at Pic-n-Save, Before my dad ever had a grave
Just being a kid with no bills to pay, Before my Mommy moved away
Visions of sugar plums don't dance in my brain, I can't even think because of this rain
The family grows apart with each passing year, I'm missing my sense of Christmas cheer
Twas the week before Christmas and it just feels strange...Sad that we grow up and things have to change.

Thoughts of Christmas Pasts...

Vacation day number two and nothing out of the ordinary to report on.   I thought I could blog to you about what happens in each day I am on this glorious and much needed vacation but then I decided that would be just like those annoying family updates in letter form people send out at Christmas but not quite as annoying as getting a picture of someone's family dog with Santa.  So instead I decided that I would think back on some of my Christmas memories that flash through my mind each Christmas and bring smiles to my face. 

I remember when we were very young and we spent Christmas day at the house of my maternal grandparents-Grandma Jean and Grandpa Jim or as we liked to call him Bum Bum-although I don't know where that nickname came from.  They lived in Fontana and I still can remember the layout of the house even though I have not been there for years as it is no longer in our family.  There was a large den in the back that was like a huge library with every kind of book.  There were about two or three stairs leading down into the room that all of us kids used to love to jump on.  We usually opened our presents in there and then we would all just it there and talk and laugh.  Things were so simple then.  Grandma also did this thing at the dinnertable called "Snowball"  At each place setting there would be a little wooden ornament with our names.  Then atop the table there would be little gifts attached to each ornament carefully picked out by Grandma.  Then she would cover everything under white stuff that was like pillow stuffing that resembled snow.  At the exact moment she instructed we would all tug on our ornament to reveal our present.  How wonderful it was to see what was in tore for us under that snow. 

We also spent a lot of our christmases at Aunt Barbara's house in Cherry Valley.  I was always excited to go there anyways.  On the road to get there there were these two hills that were the best to ride on and I always knew when we were getting close by those little hills.  She always cooked the best food and all of us cousins had so much fun playing in the back yard with all her farm animals and sitting out on the porch enjoying the weather.  I am sure my kids would never understand or even appreciate time like these...imagine, we didn't even need a cell phone and wouldn't have been able to fathom an idea of what a cell phone even was.

As I got older I used to tell my mom that I hated how the tree didn't match so the first time I was old enough to have a job, I went out and bought matching ornaments.  I wanted an opalesque looking tree.  It was beautiful.  There were pearly teal and pink bulbs, opal pearls strung on the tree and covered with angel hair.  I loved waking up on Christmas morning and begging my parents to wake up so we could open presents.  They alway stumbled out of bed to please us and now being older I totally understand the stumbling.  Here it is on a day I can finally sleep in and these darn kids are waking me up to open presents...ugh.

Another thing I remember is another tree I had flocked.  It was my  last christmas I would live at home and I decorated it with big Gold and Purple bulbs.  It looked so pretty against the white flocking.  It was also this year that I helped a friend who was back in town and all alone for the holidays.  We got a tree, decorated it and sat in awe of all the decorations we made and bought for their little apartment.  Little did they know that I can make a mean decoration out of foam balls and toothpicks.

Then there was Disneyland at Christmatime.  One of my first dates with the husband.  If you have never been to Disneyland at this time you should.  It is a magical place and being there on a date was even better.  Sharing tasty baked treats from the bakery on Main Street in the shape of Mickey as Santa.  Add to it true cold winter weather and rain and trying to stay close to stay warm.

Even more memorable Chritmas memories were added to my memory after my two babies got here.  When they were little they used to love to decorate the tree and sit in front of it drinking my hot chocolate they love for me to make.  It seems that that these days I can't even get the kids to help me hang even one ornament.  I remember us driving in the car listening to christmas music and singing along...now they hate my need to hear nothing but christmas songs from Thanksgiving on to Christmas day.

Thank God we have memories to keep us going in rushed times such as Christmas.It  seems like times of just getting a doll for chritmas are long gone or being happy about anything you got because you knew your family was going through tough times.  It seems like back in the day we appreciated things more, but not now.

We have become people who christmas sneaks up on and we are left to complain about how there is not enough time.  We hear our kids complaining about the things they got and figuring out how to get the things they didn't.  We see the long line for Santa and are happy our kids are too old for pictures with santa.  What happened to us? 

It seems as if it was yeterday that I was picking out a preent for my parents from Pic-N-Save (now Big Lots) with the money they gave me for christmas shopping, usually about ten dollars and boy that ten dollars was enough for presents for the whole family, now ten dollars isn't enough for hardly one present. Now, I pick out an ornament to leave on my Dad' grave and I send Mom her presents to Texas...wish they were both here with me instead.

Yes I look forward to making new christmas memories each year, but I can't help to think of all my christmas pasts that fill my mind and soul with happiness.

Christmas Vacation Day One...

My feet hurt.  It's been a long day that seems like it started last week. Today, 17 years ago, I met my husband...just read my first blog called "From the Beginning" and you can learn all about that.  Today when I stumbled through the kitchen at 4:45 am to tell him goodbye as he left for work I am pretty sure that he said something along those lines of "Happy Anniverary", but I can't be certain.  I took him lunch at work and gave him a card I bought for him and after that we pretty much didn't mention it again.  Hmmm, I remember when we first got together and I would celebrate our month milestones, but now it seems as if some milestones have lost their meaning...ok moving on...
Next stop, the bank.  Ok I belong to a credit union that seems to figure out new ways to piss me off each month or so.  Their current locations work perfect for me.  One is just down the street from my work and another branch is down the street from his work.  It is so convenient for me to just go to those.  Well not anymore.  Effective December 31st they are closing my convenient branches and tell me they still have their main branches open and those are still close.  So much for convenience. 
Then I made my trek to the post office to send all of Mama's Christma presents to Texas so she will receive them in time.  I thought it would be more crowded, but I was pleasantly surprised.  I stuffed all of the gifts into a flat rate box and was on my way.
So tomorrow is Frankie's son's birthday party.  Because I have a Sam's club card I told her I would go pick out a cake and deliver it to the party.  While waiting in line to fill out the cake form there was crazy people pondering what holiday cake to buy and they just could not make up their damn mind.  When I finally had my turn, I had to share counter space and the cake binder with another crazy lady that asked about fifty questions about the right colors for the cake...OMG, just pick some colors and get on with your life.  Behind me there was a crazy lady who was pissed because there were no cupcakes available...really?  Well stupid, you should have pre-ordered some...lame, so lame!
Next stop...Mall.  I knew I was up for ome adventure in here.  I had a plan, really I did.  Then I went to Charlotte Russe and was amazed at all the thing they marked down to $5.  Chritmas hopping was good in here, but I had to pick up ome things for myself too, I mean it wa only five bucks  The next few stores were really uneventful.  I got what I needed...hooray!
Next task....Shirt shopping for the son.  As many of you with teenagers know, the daily outfit conisists of a t-shirt and jeans.  Dress i not really in the vocabulary of a young boy and if it does, it is usually because he had to get dresed up for a funeral or he was in a wedding.  Other than that you can pretty much rule out dressing nice.  But tomorrow is different.  He is going to some wedding for some people an old friend of his knows.  A t-shirt and jean would not do.  He had plans to go to a store in the mall...um yeah right.  Did he really expect me to pay more than $15  on something he would probably only wear once ever.  He then threatened that if I didn't go to the store he wanted he wouln't go to the wedding.  I laughed and told him I couldn't care less, that made him more mad and by then he knew I wasn't playing.  He picked out a shirt and we stopped in at a few more stores before we were on the road again.  Then he asked if we could go out to eat at one of his favorite retaurants.  I bitched and complained but I gave in, got lunch and made a mad dash for home.Cleaned the house, washed clothes, took them to the dryer at the laundromat-my dryer is broken at the moment, and then I attempted to get ready for a banquet our church was having to celebrate our Colton HIgh School CIF Football champions.  As I was rushing through the house I noticed my phone bill, so I opened it.
As I picked up my mouth from it dropping on the floor I aw that it was thi huge inane amount.  Usually when a bill comes to me with a crazy large amount I immediately investigate and ensure that nobody has stolen my identity.  Then I had my a-ha moment as to why thi incredibly large bill was in front of me.  Back at Thanksgiving our stupid little modem broke and ever since then my trutly little notebook ha been the number one computer in the house.  We called AT&T to complain and their solution was to end us a new state of the art modem at no charge.....aha yeah right!  On my phone bill was a past due amount even though they cashed my check this week AND a charge for my modem....Oh no they did'nt...yes they did.  I called the first time and aked to speak to a manager.  Of coure there was no Manager I could speak to but one would call me back in four hours...um no.  After he pissed me off and I hung up, I tried again only to get a Manger on the line who put me on hold and never came back.  There i a word I have for people like this that I refuse to use now but it rhymes with truckin works.  Finally the husband got in touch with a "Specialist"...ooh fancy word.  after me yelling in the background and him being nice and having flirty mcflirt  flirt voice, we got everything settled and they took off the fee they waived in the firt place as well as deduct the amount that they already had a check for and cashed...ugh i all I have to say! 
After that I rushed out of the house to go serve our CIF champs.  This was the second time I have volunteered at church.  I drug the daughter and setting up began.  We got the table ready and I made a new friend whom I hung out with for most of the evening.  I do have to say that two of the funnest jobs we did was warming up tortillas on the grill and flipping them with spatulas.  It was like we were the Spatula Sisterhood.  It was such a good time just working together for a good cause.  As it turns out, everyone from Colton was there and the husband fit right in.  The daughter even had fun with some teens from the church and it felt good to have her interact with friends rather than me and her dad having to be her everything.
I met new people, found out where they sit in church and really had a good time.  I got home, stripped off my clothes and slipped into some comfy warm velour pants and a long sleeve shirt.  This would be the perfect ending for this story...but  now I am waiting around to go pick up my son who is at some crazy house party in the rain.  Ghetto house party too, the kind where you have to pay to get in, and alo pay for drinks...and they are not even mixed, it's SODA, just give it out, damn!  I would normally go pick him up myself, but it's raining...Ooh stormwatch!
It makes me laugh how people get so crazy when there is a report it will be raining, it's like they're about to melt.  Anyways back to the story.  I can't send the husband because he doesn't know where ghetto house is so I told him he could drive and I would go to show him where it was.  All I know is I am tired...oh so tired.  Is this the way the rest of my vacation will go...tune in tomorrow to find out!

Christmas Countdown Begins...

Tonight I have a sense of relief as I sit here back on my blog and I feel like I am home again, I have really missed my blog!  Between planning Christmas parties, work and bringing Christmas jolliness home, I haven't had much time to dedicate to my writing, so to you my followers, I am sorry...but I am back!  Well, I say I'm back as I try and write this in between some crazy pop up saying my computer is infected with 38 viruses and I should run the system tool.  So I think, yes of course, run the system tool, I don't want to be infected and then I get a message saying it is only $60 and how do I want to pay.  So I have been clicking on a button that says run unprotected, so for now it is working...cross your fingers.
So tomorrow is my flex day and I am happy to be off.  Finally I can start Christmas shopping...yes, you heard me right i did say START.  I told you I have been very busy!  I went to the mall yesterday and my head started spinning, I really hate crowds, they make me crazy and claustrophobic.  My plans were to have three days off, work one day and have six days off.  What was I thinking?  So...ask and you shall receive...and I did!  I got approved to have Monday off as well and it all feels surreal.  I feel elated yet still so overwhelmed because Christmas looms closer every day!
It is hard to believe Christmas is going to be here in a week, I mean we haven't even put up Christmas lights and my living room isn't a room I can sit in in awe of my great Christmas tree.  It looks like a dump truck dumped off remnants of wrapping paper, presents and holiday crap waiting for me to put it all together like I am friggin Martha Stewart...I'm not!
Add into everything the fact that today also began Christmas vacation for the kids.  I have already been asked what we're doing tomorrow and if I could take them and their friends here and there as if I am a taxi.  I am sure that when the time comes for me to go back to work after Christmas, I will practically run there because by then I will have had enough and yearn for the peace and quiet my office mostly offers. 
I sit here asking myelf how did we get here?  How did this year pass right before our eyes?  It seems like just yesterday I was throwing last year's tree outside to be recycled or that another school year was starting and the kids began their Junior and Freshman years.  Wasn't my daughter just telling me how scared she was to go into high school? 
Like it or not, it's here. This time next week we will be grocery shopping for our Christmas feasts, adding the final touches to decor around the house, shopping for that person we forgot about.  Sometimes I have to just stop for a few minutes and remember why we have Christmas at all and that what really matters can't be found in stores.  We can buy all the things in the world for our families but as Frankie tells me, "They're just things".  She's right. 
I am ready to make my trip to Riverside to spend my fifteen minutes at my Dad's grave wishing that he wa here with me instead.  I would give up any present just to tell him I love him one last time.  I would throw out my Chritmas tree just to hug my Mom right now.  Texas has never felt so far away...ok Mom...stop crying! 
Yes my Mom is reading this, she has always been one of my fans, way before this blog was even a twinkle in my eye. 
So yes, while I am happy that I am on vacation and I can start getting in the Chritmas spirit, there are the loved ones I miss and wish they were with me.  I must be getting older now.  I appreciate so much more and the things my Mom told me would matter one day...do.  I don't care if I get anything for Chritmas as long as my kids are happy and healthy and we're all ok.  Now I know what my Mom was talking about and I just want to tell her thank you.
Okay so tomorrow starts my countdown to Christmas.  Up at 5am to bake for husband's co-workers.  Breakfast with husband for 17 year anniverary.  Bank.  Cake shopping.  Christmas shopping.  Church volunteering.  I am exhauted already!

While I'm Waiting

Today after a job well done, someone we worked with on a project  that ended told us it was nice knowing us since we would probably never talk again.  It was kind of sad since we had all come to know and enjoy each other's company.  Life is funny that way.  People come into our lives for different periods of time and we never know when it will end. 
I see people when I'm out shopping and I think that I will probably never see them again.  I see things they are buying and I wonder who are they buying it for and wonder what is going on in their lives.  I sometimes wonder if they are thinking the same thing about me too.
I have been told that God has a will for our lives-a big master plan all laid out for us which already involves everything we will ever do, the people who will be in our lives and everything about us. I think about that a lot.  If there is a plan for my future I wish I could look at it.  Sometimes I feel like this is someone else's plan, epecially when I feel overwhelmed and mad at life or the people in my current plan.  Sometimes I talk out loud to God and mention how I never signed on for this which is whatever I'm going through at that moment.  At times I feel like my plan is going all wrong like I should be someone else like one of those people I see when I'm out shopping.
Sometimes I wonder if people we come across at certain points of our life will return as if they were meant to be connected to us eternally.  Some people believe in soulmates, and I haven't yet made up my mind if I believe there are soulmates.  Have I met mine?  Have you met yours?  It's hard to say and we may never know the answer.
There's a song called "While I'm Waiting".  It' a christian song that is about keeping the faith while you wait for that point in your life when peace and happines find you and you are content with all things. Whenever I hear that song I wonder what it is I  am waiting for and how long the wait till be...lord knows I am not the most patient person in the world.
I am thankful for all the people in my life and feel blessed that they are there.  Life is complicated enough trying to figure out the path we should take without trying to figure out who we should meet along those paths.  So here I am waiting like the song says and wondering how long I'll wait and who I will encounter a long the way on my path.

Gettin' It Together...

This week I have been passing through my kitchen knowing there are dishes piled in the sink and junk mail spread out all over the counter.  I go into the formal living room that has become a mecca of all things Christmas and holiday party and extra whatever we can't figure out what to do with.  I walk into my bedroom to find  piles of clothes I have tried on and never found the energy to hang up added with shoes and whatever else has managed to never find its way back to whereever it goes.  I swear I feel like I am on the road to being on that embarassing show called "Hoarders-Buried Alive". 
The truth is I have been so incredibly busy that I haven't had time to do much of anything.  I go to work for most of my day and that's hectic enough.  There is a lot of stuff going on at work already with the addition of holiday party planning for our Christmas party next week.  The past few weeks have consisted of people handing me money, attendance spreadsheets and email reminders for that. 
When I come home from work I am exhausted and want to just take a shower and hang out in my room watching TV.  Guilt should set in for neglecting housework and telling the family to fend for themelves every night the past week.  Last week I volunteered in the church nursery and absolutely loved it.  There were little babies there that cried when I set them down, it was sweet, especially when my kids seem to hate me being the teenagers they are.  So while I didn't get to hear the church service last week, it was for a good reason.  Today I will also miss church because I have to step back and get things at home back under control.  Okay, so before when I told you I should be going on the show "Hoarders" that was a little exaggeration, but seriously, I have to get it together.  Not to mention, I have to do all the final things I need to do for the Holiday Party...did I mention it was next Saturday?
Today my list includes party shopping, grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, centerpiece assembly and anything else I need to do that just have not had the time for recently.  Now honestly I would love to tell you that at the end of the day I will have everything accomplished while dinner is cooking on the stove, but that will only be done with a prayer and a miracle.  I feel overwhelmed, tired and not to mention I have this cough that creeps up at night and does not let me sleep.  My daughter reminded me I told her we could go to Mission Inn in Riverside  to see the display of christmas lights, how will I manage that without not doing something already on my list?  Let's add into it the fact that it is Christmas time and I love this time of the year.  I usually start baking and wrapping presents and reflecting with the family in front of the fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate...this year seems so different.  I guess now I can understand why I named this blog what I did because lately I have felt all kinds of crazy.
I think after this next week I will be back to my somewhat normal self baking cookies and fudge in my clean kitchen or wrapping presents in front of the crackling fireplace with christmas music driving everyone in the house crazy except for me.  Until then I am here looking at the time thinking I am already behind schedule. So if you log on and don't find anything new on my blog, don't worry I will be back to normal soon with lots of crazy to report on.