Ok, you women are all going to hate me but I have a confession. I have made the well woman checkup appointment and cancelled it for a few years now. I know, I know that is selfish and irresponsible of me, but that is one appointment that I never look forward to...you ladies all know what I mean! Just the fact that I made the appointments was a big step for me, but it seems like I can never follow through.
I know what you are all thinking, that I am avoiding it all because of the mere fact that you're getting felt up and stretched out by a stranger, tottally feeling violated. Add to it that while you are getting violated the person performing the whole procedure talks to you as if you're having a lovely day at lunch together. One minute you are talking about the weather, and the next the lower half of your body is in twilight zone, you can even hear that theme song in your head!
I know that all of it is done for a good reason, but the truth is I am scared. Everytime I go to an OB/GYN I freak myself out . I have thought about it for a while and I think my excuse that I find totally rational is that whenever I go to a medical appointment that isn't some routine hum drum checkup I get nervous. I know in the back of my mind that they are doing some kind of test to look for anything not right. The thing is, I don't want to be not right. I am terrified that they will find something that there is not a cure for like cancer.
There is a new show on cable now that is wonderful and has become one of my all time favorites. The main character finds out she has cancer and decides to forget everything she has been doing and live her life to the fullest with no regrets. Her character is played so wonderfully and she is so brave.
Some of the strongest people in the world are people living with cancer. They go through treatments and so many procedures and they always seem so brave. Honestly, I don't know that I could be as brave and maybe that's why I am scared. Some people may go to only less than a handful of funerals in their lives. Not me. I have been to more funerals than I have ever wanted to. I am not scared of dying one day but I am scared of leaving my family. This is the reason that Frankie convinced me today for the umpteenth time to go. She said if I cared about my family and being here for them that I should go no matter how uncomfortable or scary it all was. She is right. I want to be here for them for as long as I can be so.......I made the appointment.
I confessed to the lady working the appointment desk that it had been a few years. I think her way of geting back at me was finding an appointment this week. She said I could wait till next month if I wanted to and just as I was about to declare her my new BFF for helping me avoid it a few weeks longer, I gave in. I told her to make the appointment for this week. She laughed and jokingly asked..."Are you ready, are you really gonna do it?" I unwillingly said yes, hung up the phone and put in a request for time off from work.
Hmmm...there's still time to cancel....ok, ok I promise I'll go!
No comments:
Post a Comment