So on August 4, 2005 with the help of my Dad's friends with a truck we gathered the belongings he had left and loaded him up and ventured off to his new life and we were so excited but most of all I sensed a change in him, an actual smile on his face.
We placed everything where he wanted it and we went shopping at thrift stores and found him a cute table and chairs and a nice little sofa. I went shopping for groceries and other things he was going to need for his brand new life. That night I cooked for him. The next day we went over and we were all so happy. We watched the TV that the cable guy hooked up. I remember that my dad was so happy that he would be able to watch whatever he wanted and for however long he wanted. We went swimming in his pool while my dad watched from his seat under the nice big trees. I left that night and told him I was going shopping for him and asked what he wanted. After giving me his list, I left. He must have called my cell phone that night like four or five times to keep adding food to the list. I told him I would be over to his house by seven since my husband was dropping me off before work. He told me he would be waiting.
The next day as promised, he was waiting as I turned my key into his lock. There was my little tiny dad sleeping on his couch. I touched his face and he woke up with a smile. I put his groceries away and started chorizo and eggs for all of us. I remember a lot of things about that day. I remember him putting in a CD of a female mexican trio he loved called Aroma and asked my daughter to dance for him and she did. We watched TV and laughed at funny commercials. We went for a walk around his senior citizen complex and he even flirted with one of the ladies in the laundry room. It was the happiest I had seen him in so long. I was only staying there till about noon because we had to catch the bus. One of our cars was not running well so it was easier to do this. He asked me if I could cut his toenails before I left and though the thought of sawing my way through his toenails was not a picnic, I did it because he was my dad. There is a funny story of this I will share another time, but the whole experience wasn't that bad. I put the clippers away and I kissed my dad on his head and looked him in the eyes and said..." I love you Daddy". The kids kissed him too and I told him that tomorrow would be the first day my husband would be there to stay with him and since school was out, the kids would be there too. He smiled and told us he loved us and to be careful on the bus...and we left.
I remember running to the bus and getting off of Route 15 and walking to the bench to wait for Route 1. I got a call and it was my dad. "Hi mija, is everything ok? "Yeah dad, we're fine, just waiting for our bus to get home" "Ok, I love you." " I love you too dad, I will call you in the morning, you get some rest". "Ok Mija, bye". "Bye dad".
We got home that night and my cat that had gone missing appeared that night in bad shape. It could barely walk and it looked like it got attacked by a dog or hit by a car. I knew my cat would not make it through even a few hours even if we took it to a vet. The one thing I noticed that stood out was the side of it's face it looked smashed up and bloodied. It broke my heart. I took it by our garage and placed it in a little spot with a cover so flies would not disturb my dying cat. A few months prior to this when my dad was in the hospital and I thought he might die there my friend Frankie told me that I had to tell him it was ok to let go of us and that we would be ok, and I never did that. But that night with my cat, I did and it was like my cat understood.
About an hour later I went to check on my cat and she was gone. Yes her body was there but her soul was in cat heaven, I was sure of that because I suddenly felt a sense of peace in my heart.
Monday came and I went to to work. I was there about an hour when my phone rang. It was my husband. "You need to come over to your dad's apartment, I came in and I think he fell and hit his head." "Is he ok?" "Yeah, but just have Frankie drive you, everything's fine but I know you will drive here all crazy" "Is he breathing" "Yeah, I think so, and I called the paramedics to check on him just come over."
Frankie gathered her keys and I told my boss I had to leave and why. I was considerably calm from what I remember and it was because my husband was so calm. As Frankie and I got closer, I told her that I was scared and she told me she was scared for me too. I remember calling my husband back and telling him to tell the paramedics to take him to the VA Hospital. Frankie laughed and said they would take him wherever was closest. I remember seeing a cop car, a paramedic and an ambulance. Now I was scared. I ran through the clubhouse where I saw my kids with the Manager and my son told me..."Mom, something's wrong with Grandpa." I got to his apartment and my husband told the paramedic that I was his daughter and then I heard the man say..."We're so sorry Ma'am, there was nothing we could do" "Do? About what"? My husbands face showed it all and I yelled ..."No, no oh my god, daddy". The police officer pulled me aside and asked me routine questions and then I asked him if I could see him. I ran to the bathroom with my husband following me.
There covered up was my dad. It wasn't until I saw his body covered that I realized he was dead and never ever would I get a chance to ever tell him how much I loved him or to talk to him or anything at all. I uncovered his face and the look on his face was bad. It looked like something really traumatic happened to him and his facial gesture showed the pain. There were big circles imprinted on his face from the mat I picked out for his tub so if he fell it would be cushioned. In my heart that made my grateful because I knew that in his last moments at least he was not laying face down on a cold hard tub.
The smell in the room was bad. We figure that sometime in the middle of the night or early morning my dad got up to use the restroom and had a stroke while he was on the toilet. We think he then died and fell to his left hitting his face and head on the shower faucet and landing face first in the tub with his body along the length of his restroom. I will never forget that smell or the look on my daddy's face. I got up and Frankie and my husband helped me make the calls.
As I sat there waiting for people to appear my husband apologized for not telling me over the phone. He knew I would have gone crazy and he was worried about me, thank you Frankie for driving me. I wasn't mad at my husband and then I remembered my cat. It died the night before and it had face trauma and I told her it was ok to go that we would be ok. As strange as it may sound, I knew that my dad died when my cat died. It was a way of me saying goodbye and being at peace and understanding. I will never forget any of that.
A few nights later I was awakened from a dream of me driving down a long street with trees on both sides and meadows but somewhere in the mountains. I was looking for my dad. I opened up my eyes and felt scared. I scooted next to my husband in bed and he woke up. "Are you ok" " I just had a weird dream about my dad" "Me too, we were looking for him on a long road in the mountains." I was freaked out but I knew my dad was ok and present in my heart. Later that week my sister came from San Diego and I told her about my dream...she had the same dream. I get goosebumps whenever I think about it, but I smile. Sometimes I feel the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck and I think about the movie Sixth Sense and how whenever someone who had passed was near the hairs stood up.
I know that my dad is here. When I was little I used to cry sometimes and told him that I didn't want him to die. He told me that when he died he would hear me even though his body wasn't there physically. He told me he would hear me and I would be able to feel he was here like he was talking to me with no words. He told me though he didn't live here on earth with me he would live in my heart forever...he was right, and he does. I miss you Manny. I was so lucky to have had you for my Dad and I was blessed, thank you for coming into my life. I miss you everyday and will love you forever.
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