Do you remember the phrase..."Can't we all just get along"? I swear that this phrase was meant for my family. It seems as though when crazy planetary things happen and He and I are getting along fairly well, the kids have to have their turn at being crazy. Sometimes this happens to me in the morning before school and work even begin. Mostly though, it happens between the hours of about 3 and 5 pm...with my kids and him. Nevermind that I am at work, I am always called upon to be a referee through the phone lines while trying to do this in a near whisper so as not to get fired!
This week was hectic and busy and my body and mind were taken over by laziness. After hectic doctor appointments a crazy week at work, start of soccer season, corresponding with teachers to make sure my kids have not failed their classes a month in I will just say...I am effin tired! It is not my dream in life to come home and try to straighten up an argument much less do it on the phone before work even finishes. For families like mine, I can totally see how people become alcoholics or have affairs...don't worry marriage and non alcohol advocates, I am normal.
So I sit at my desk and my cell phone rings and it's my son telling me all the reasons his all kinds of crazy is his dad. On and on about what he is saying, how he is acting, how my son has witnesses that my husband said this or that-nevermind the fact that his witnesses are teenagers who hate their parents too. While this is going on my desk phone starts ringing and then I can see it's the husband. I hang up with my son or hang up on him depending of how he is now talking to me. Right off the bat, there is yelling in my ear and I hear these words..."YOUR SON". Isn't it funny how when everyone is happy they are our kids but the first sign of trouble those wonderful children of ours become legally and only the other person's...I love that! On and on about how my son is disrespectful, doesn't listen, talks back and then somewhere in there I get blamed for something. Did you know that like us women, men also keep files in their heads on us to save for a time they can throw it in our face, yeah they do and they love to use them. His file cabinet must be bursting at the seams.
Usually I am so frustrated with both parties that after hanging up on both of them I send the family a text saying something like..."I'm not coming home tonight, have fun killing each other". Hopefully when these kinds of arguments happen it falls on a payday because then I can go shopping after work. I will stay away for at least an hour, sometimes more. I may get a few pissed off people text messages or it may be the kid who is actually behaving that day asking me where I am and can I bring home some food. After the maximum of two hours absence, I stop by a cheap pizza place, get a $5 pizza and show up wondering what crime scene I will have to clean up.
What is it that I see? A clean house, kids in their rooms behaving, the husband watching the Law and Order marathon and I am happy. Then like a Mack truck hitting me head on I get sarcasm from both kids, I took too long, accused by him of cheating for the last hour with my non existent sancho and I realize they aren't mad at each other anymore, but now they're mad at me. Oh family...Tis you who makes me crazy!
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