I woke up this morning thinking of my mother and how thirty eight years ago she was in a hospital bed ready for me to come out from inside of her. If everyone in the world forgot about your birthday, we can always be assured that if our mother's are still with us, they will call us or remember that it's our birthday. My mom lives in Texas, and I miss her every day. I knew that she woke up thinking of me and waiting to call me when she knew I wouldn't be in a mad rush to go somewhere that I had to be. I have seen my mom in pictures of when she was pregnant with me. She always looked so happy and so pretty. She put together a baby book of me that I have somewhere in my garage. Mementos of me as her baby. I always tell you how I was a daddy's girl, but I know that my mom loved me just as much. As I sit here on my thirty eighth birthday with tears rolling down my face I know that my mom made a lot of sacrifices for us when we were growing up. There were times I told her she wasn't my mother and it didn't help when my brother used to make jokes that my parents found me on the doorstep! I sometimes told her that I hated her when all that was about was me not getting my way.
She used to tell me that she would have sweet revenge when I had kids one day and they gave me the same headaches that I gave her. I used to counter that by telling her that I was going to have kids that love me because I was going to be a nice mother. She used to laugh as if she knew that would never happen. My question is...how did she know? It turns out that mothers are usually always right, and she was. Today was my birthday and here I am with kids of my own and here I sit at the end of the night with that headache that my mama promised me. I know my kids love me but they are teenagers and we all know that teenagers are not exactly the best communicators. It wasn't until halfway through the day that my daughter told me happy birthday and my son acted like it was just another day until dinner time came and he asked where we were going to elebrate my birthday.
I will always remember their birthdays for as long as I am blessed to be their mother. I know exactly how my mom feels when she tells me happy birthday every year. I know that one year the only gift my kids will need from me on their birthdays is just to hear my voice telling them that...but I think that is still years away.
I talked to my mom this morning and she told me the things she remembered from the day I was born. Her water broke on a car lot which is ironic because for years my dad was a car salesman so that was just my destiny as his daughter. I miss my mom so much and we have a sort of unspoken love where we may not talk every day but we each know how much we mean to one another.
I woke up today laying next to my husband, and I will go to bed tonight laying next to my daughter. Yes, it has been a roller coaster kind of day. Sometimes, being at work makes you happier than being at home. Then something happens that takes your breath away and makes you feel like maybe you are not doing such a bad job after all. My daughter baked me birthday cupcakes and she was so proud of herself. Home Ec class has given her cooking confidence and the independence to show her love without having to say anything. It was at that very moment when she uncovered her cupcake creations that I knew she loved me, the same way I love my mom. Thankyou for my cupcakes AMK...I love you.
And thank you mom for giving me life, for caring for me while I was in your stomach. For loving me when it seemed I didn't love you. for throwing me birthday parties, for all the birthday presents and for always remembering the day you first met me...I love you and I miss you so much.
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